Walk with Me

My heart feels so heavy and my stomach is in knots. Tonight, we had Women's Small Group. We were doing a belated Valentine's party and a (are you read for this?) a chocolate bar! So, I'm sure you're thinking.. THAT is why your stomach is hurting!!! lol. Well, I could say that is one reason, but for the record I came home and ate half of a cucumber and 32 oz of water to help drain away all of the fat I ate from the chocolate! haha!

There is a sweet lady who got to come to our small group tonight. This was only my second time meeting her. She went to church when she was little, but not much as an adult. She's not had an easy life I can tell. She has told me bits and peices of her story. God has placed this sweet lady in my life and tonight I got to share Jesus with her... one on one. 

Many people have heard my testimony, but for those of you reading this who haven't.. I must tell you that after 13 years of believing that I was saved, I came to realize that I wasn't saved at all. So 2 years ago, I surrendered my pride and my wonderful husband led me to Jesus to be saved from my sins! It's almost 2 years to the day (Feb 22, 2006)! Tonight, was the first time since being saved that I got to REALLY share Jesus with someone one on one!. I felt in my heart that I needed to, but I was honestly so nervous about it, and God really gave me the words to speak! 

I am excited tonight, my stomach is in knots even though I don't know why. Maybe it was fear, maybe it was doing something new that I've not done before, maybe this is a great beginning to something wonderful.. I don't know?! Only God does!  

I have felt for the last week or so the need to share my testimony. I wondered this morning at church if maybe God was preparing me to give it to the church, but now I'm thinking, "God you must have been preparing me for this new friend who just came in to my life!"  Through misty eyes and a lump in my throat I got to share who my Jesus is! God is good... it's scary to obey sometimes. It's scary to not know what path the Lord is taking you down, but I can tell already He's taking me down a path in which I know He will walk with me!

Our days

I have been working alot lately... which I can truly say.. is a blessing & a curse! Thankfully, I'm working much less than when I worked during Christmas season! However, it has been a struggle for me. It's hard to keep up working 25 hours a week (I truly prefer 15-20), 2 churches, MOPs meetings, having a daily quiet time, keeping a (semi) clean home, cooking dinners, doing coupons, getting to the store, trying to get to the gym, and TRYING to have some "me" time for just a few minutes a day, etc. It truly makes me wonder how single moms do it! Or better yet... Women who are used to having their husbands at home and then their husbands are deployed overseas!

I honestly don't know what I'd do without Andy. He helps me keep up the laundry and cleans the dishes for me. I'm so thankful for the husband he is! Sometimes, I feel so overwhelmed and then my sweet husband tells me to go have my quiet time (with God) and take as long as I need, or go take a bath or a nap, and sometimes he just tells me to go in our bedroom and watch tv for a bit! My overwhelming days don't come too often, but I'm so thankful to be blessed with a gracious husband for when they do! 

How gracious our God is! He has given me the grace I need for this season of my life. Although, it's hectic.. and I know as my kids get older it will only get more hectic! I'm not sure how I will get through those days.. but I know alot of moms who work full time and get it all done! I don't know how they do it.. but I know they do!!

We want more children and some days I think we're crazy for it! Money is often in short supply and we can't find enough time! However, the Lord sent a wise woman (Kelly Bates-- many have seen her as a friend on the show "19 Kids & Counting) my way one day who told me that God gives us the grace when we need it.. and never before. So, I try to keep that in mind. Our God is faithful.. He knows our hearts and our needs.. He knows my longings and desires for our family! 

Tonight, I am thankful as I sit here snuggled with my 2 babies. One is sick and can't quit coughing (bless her heart!) and the other is wildly climbing all over me as I try to type. But I am thankful for these sweet days with them. One day they will be grown and gone and I will only have these sweet memories with them! Every day I wake up and am so glad to be a Mother and I am so grateful that Andy and I get to parent together and are on the same page for our family! Only God knows what our future holds.. and I'm so thankful He holds our family in His hands and will give me the grace I need when I need some!

Loss of a Generation

I haven't written in a while. To be honest I haven't known what to write about! So, I thought I'd just let you in on my thoughts!

I am sad that we had to say goodbye to a very special lady this week. Andy's Grandmother, Marilyn, went to be with Jesus this past Tuesday (Feb 1st) at 7:45 pm. I honestly didn't get the chance to learn too much about her as she didn't talk alot. In my 8 years of knowing her, I think she led a fascinating, although painful (I'm sure), life. I know that she was born in 1931 and her daddy was a drunk. I know that he left her and her mother when Marilyn was very young. During those times women often didn't work, and I have been told that she and her mom sought shelter and lived in a chicken coop for a while. I know that she was 14 when she married her husband. Martin really married her and her momma as they both moved in with him. I think back to that time and for her to be 14 and be married.. What a different world than we see now. She had a husband for love and a momma to care for her and her baby when she had Andy's mom at age 25. I don't know much about her history other than this. I am sad to see the last of our Grandparents leave this earth and I am sad to see the loss of a generation and an era. I am grateful that Marilyn went to church and we asked her about her salvation and she assures us that she was saved. So, I take her word for that and trust that she is now in the arms of our Savior! 

She always enjoyed watching the kids. Elijah, especially, made her laugh! She was a sweet woman and I know that many elderly people in our culture of America do not revere the older generations, but to me.. I saw her as a woman with many heartaches and many victories. I saw her as a woman who had stories behind her and about her life. I only wish I could've gotten them and held on to them!  

God brings us all through valleys and through them we can so often reach the mountain tops. Since Andy lost his job 2 years ago, we have been through many valleys. God has been so faithful to us in that though! He has shown us such grace and compassion. We've never gone without food and we always paid our bills... sometimes through the means of other people reaching out to us, but God always supplied the help we needed.

I am sad to see Mammaw leave this world. It has been a bit of a valley for me. But I am excited to see the mountain top He will bring to us from pulling us out of this valley. We serve a faithful God. He knows our valleys and He is preparing us for the mountaintops! It's all according to His plans for us!

Proverbs 16:3 " Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans."

Feeling peace

This weekend Foothills Baptist Church had a staff conference in Townsend. There were 3 couples (no children) and lots of time to get to know eachother, plan, and have some fun!  

We had a strict schedule to follow with lots of time for praying and reading our bibles. I have to be honest and say that doing this is a little foreign to me. Daily, I spend time reading my bible and praying. I often do not get the time I wish I had to pray and read, but I am able to do it every day and I'm thankful for that. Sometimes, I pray as I'm laying down in bed with Elijah for his nap or I'm washing dishes, etc. Other days, less hectic days, I can find the time to enjoy sitting and just praying to God.  However, I must admit.. I REALLY enjoyed that uninterrupted time alone with my Savior! It was wonderful! I left this weekend feeling very refreshed, surrounded in the love of God, and renewed by His Spirit!! This week, I have found myself missing that uninterrupted time with Him!

Much planning went on this weekend! This was exciting to me as Jeremy has an awesome vision for this church and where God will take it. We have monthly dates planned to go out and share Jesus with our community, love on them, help them, & share with them who Jesus is! This is so very exciting! I really think we're sitting on the foundation of an awesome structure God is preparing for us! 

So, as I came in to FBC.. I only knew 2 people. I left this weekend feeling at peace that we had made 2 more friends (other staff members) and we're getting to know other members as well. I am feeling the peace of God.. I have surrendered to His will. In the beginning, I faced denial this would happen, fighting God in my heart, and crying for God to choose someone else.  Finally, it seems that this weekend I was able to fully surrender all of that. I am feeling a peace from God... and since I have surrendered I am able to feel God's love surrounding me!

We serve an awesome God! He is in control.. not me (even though I like to think I am so often!) He sees all of this from beginning to end. He knows the blessings He will pour out on FBC and He knows He wants me to be a part of it. He knows the hardships that will come our way and He knows the way He will protect us and grow us. We get to serve The King and I'm so thankful for the gift of peace that He gave me this weekend!

Making Progress

So, we've been at our new church, Foothills Baptist, since December 12th. We have been in four services, since one was cancelled because of snow. I must let you know the progress we've made!

The first Sunday, the 12th, I was honestly just mad that morning. I knew God was calling us to this new church and I love the pastor and his wife (Jeremy & Rachel) and that they have followed God's leading. I was thankful that Andy's ministry was finally opening up, but I was just honestly MAD that we were also being called away from a church and church family that I adored. With an ungrateful heart and a bitter spirit I walked around that Sunday morning (well, rushed around-- Sunday mornings seem to always be rushed to get us all ready and out the door on time.) I found myself getting short with our children and being irritated with Andy. Finally, Andy said, "Honey, what is wrong?!" and I said to him amidst many tears, "Don't you get it? I'm like Moses. I know we have to go. I know we're supposed to go, but I'm yelling, 'God, can you not send anyone else.. but me?'" I told him, "I'm just mad!" We got to the church and the kids were WILD! We are in a building which is called Music Row. So what do you think it holds? Many cool new musical instruments. The kids thought, I'm sure, "Wow! Are these all for us?" LOL! They ran around thumbing the bass, guitar, and banjo. Ran upon the church stage to bang on the keyboard, and they went in 10,000 circles around the church chairs. I honestly thought I might lose my mind! They were to sit in the service with us, and sadly, I was so unprepared for that. They were bored and kept talking loudly to eachother and us, and fighting (they're hobby), but we made it through.

Fast forward the four weeks we've been there. It's quite funny, really. Jeremy is teaching on, "A New Beginning" and boy that sure fits me! He talked this Sunday about Moses who complained to God and asked God, "Why me?" and God kept showing him why him! God kept telling Moses, I am here for you and here is why and here is how! That definitely spoke volumes to me. God keeps doing that to me in my life! haha

After 3 weeks in church we decided to "divide & conquer" with the kids. Lydia would become Andy's Buddy and Elijah would be my Buddy! I realized I need to teach and train Elijah. Lydia does well to sit and play quietly, read books, and color. That is in her personality. It's not in Elijah's, so I must teach him! He did great this week! In fact, he even fell asleep in my arms which I was honestly quite thrilled with! I was able to hear ALL of the sermon this week!! hehe.  Elijah is learning... he asked me before we left, "Mommy, can I run around in circles around church?" I couldn't help but laugh.. hey, atleast he asked this time!!

I miss the Sevier Heights church family more than many of you will ever know. I miss being apart of the choir so much, but I can still sing the songs I loved to Jesus. It may not be within the glorious, rich sounds of the beautiful SHBC choir, but I know it's pleasing before the Throne of God. God is growing me through this.. goodness knows He's stretched me beyond belief! I am grateful for Facebook to keep in contact with these people I love, for MOPs to still see my Mommy friends, and I'm thankful that I will get to keep my children in Awanas at SHBC and I will go to a small group to see many of the women I have come to know & love. 

I am also thankful for the new friends I am getting to know at FBC. There are some wonderful men and women there. I am a person who just honestly loves people. I am starting to stray away from the shyness that encompassed me when we first started attending there. It often takes a while to shed my "shy shell", but I'm getting there.. and in the process, I'm getting to know wonderful people!

God is moving.. I just know it. Sometimes, it's just scary to see where he's moving us to! I'm still a great work in progress, but Heaven knows I am atleast making progress!