Grace & Mercy

God has been so faithful to me over these last few weeks! As He always is!! Some people have asked me if I'm suffering from depression, but my answer is most assuredly no.. I'm not suffering from depression, I'm suffering from life! I am writing my inner most thoughts throughout my blog, because (along with several friends) I believe that it's time to start being real and putting down the "face" society demands. If we can all start being real with eachother.. just think of the barriers and the walls that will be broken. It's so easy to look at someone else's situation and think it's wonderful because of the face they put on, however if you were to look behind their mask you may see deep hurt, anguish, or anger. I am completely & whole heartedly fighting to be real so that we, as women & mothers, can come together on more common ground and learn to lean on Jesus.. nobody else & no thing else!

In the last 2 weeks Sears has hired more people, but before that I was working 25 hours a week. It doesn't seem like much, but it is when you have so many other things going on too! Like, I'm also getting ready to begin a 2nd job that is work from home, so I've been in the processes of that. I am dealing with being essentially apart of 2 churches. My former church we were still very involved in on Wednesday nights and some other programs that they hold there, like MOPs. These things are now over with for the Summer. Our current church is where Andy is the Associate Pastor. I help teach children's church, keep the nursery, help with music, hospitality, and I am the church clerk.  I'm homeschooling Lydia for preschool every chance I get. Plus, I want to have some fun too and try to plan outings for Lydia & Elijah. Not to mention, I'm still dealing with my pelvis/back injury to which I am at the doctor 3 times a week still. It's getting better, but my pain is still with me. Thankfully, the pain has lessened tremendously from what it was.  Okay, then there's duties like making dinner every night, keeping my home clean, doing the laundry, cutting out and organizing coupons and making a grocery list. Andy has been very crucial to me since my injury in helping me with the home.. I'm very thankful for him!!  

VBS is this week at our former church. I wanted to be apart of it SO much, but I just didn't think it was feasible with working so much and with my injury. It makes me sad though. I'm trying very hard this Summer and into the Fall to stop over committing myself.  I must admit, I'm notorious for that. Not because I hate to say no to people, but because I love to say yes! I love volunteering, helping, serving, and being apart of things. I often joke that there's so much I want to do, and work just gets in my way! However, I must step back and admit that I do like my job! I love the people I work with and going to work isn't always easy. Although, once I get there I always enjoy it. I don't necessarily like all of the politics involved, but the job itself and the people I am with throughout my shifts are enjoyable. This is truly a blessing!

So, as I'm trying to sift through my life and pick and choose between my wants and my needs.. I am trying to make wise and more constructive choices. For the Summer, I want to enjoy as much of it as possible with my children. I can't do alot right now because of my injury, but I want to do what I can! The Fall will come again soon and I will pick many things back up, but hopefully my restful Summer will help me! haha.  

I am reading through the book of Matthew right now. I came across this verse. Matthew 18:10 "Beware that you don't look down on any of these little ones. For I tell you that in Heaven their angels are always in the presence of my Heavenly Father."  I think someone could easily skip over this verse, but as I read it several days ago.. it has spoken to me many times since.  We are the little ones. The ones that Christ has called unto Himself just like a parent calls a child. He assures us that we have angels who watch over us and who are with us. That's very comforting to me. You hear of spiritual warfare and that the angels are constantly in battle, but how reassuring to know that these angels are truly with me and guarding me. They are ALWAYS in the presence of my Heavenly Father. What an honor to be constantly before the King. In that era, to be before the king was an honor, a privilege that many longed to have. How exciting to know that my angels are sitting before My King and being surrounded with His love, affection, justice, and mercy! This is very exciting to me!!  

So, as I am trying to enjoy my family more and just BE in the presence of the King.. I take joy in knowing that He is with me always, His angels are with me always, and I am surrounded in love and grace because of that!