I've blogged a couple of times already about what God is teaching me in terms of boundaries in my life. A few weeks ago (I'm a bit late in my blogging!) God truly spoke to me through a story in 1 Kings about Bathsheba & King Solomon. Wow-- people think the Old Testament is boring? Friends, it truly is FULL of wisdom and abundant in God's truths! The more of the Old Testament that I read the more I am drawn to it! It's incredible how the Lord works... at the exact time that I needed to hear God's truths about boundaries He had me in 1 Kings 2.
So this is what happened:
2 Kings 2:13-17
13 One day Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith, came to see Bathsheba, Solomon’s mother. “Have you come with peaceful intentions?” she asked him.
“Yes,” he said, “I come in peace. 14 In fact, I have a favor to ask of you.”
“What is it?” she asked.
15 He replied, “As you know, the kingdom was rightfully mine; all Israel wanted me to be the next king. But the tables were turned, and the kingdom went to my brother [Solomon, whose mother was Bathsheba*] instead; for that is the way the Lord wanted it. 16 So now I have just one favor to ask of you. Please don’t turn me down.”
“What is it?” she asked.
17 He replied, “Speak to King Solomon on my behalf, for I know he will do anything you request. Ask him to let me marry Abishag, the girl from Shunem.”
*added for further explanation
Let me create a side note here to explain that in 1 Kings 1 David was very old and very cold. They brought in a virgin girl to be with him. Their relationship was never consummated, although she was considered a concubine. She only waited on him and laid with him to keep him warm. Her name was Abishag, the girl that Adonijah wanted to marry.
So Bathsheba appeared before King Solomon requesting a favor...
1 Kings 2:21-24
22 “How can you possibly ask me to give Abishag to Adonijah?” King Solomon demanded. “You might as well ask me to give him the kingdom! You know that he is my older brother, and that he has Abiathar the priest and Joab son of Zeruiah on his side.”
23 Then King Solomon made a vow before the Lord: “May God strike me and even kill me if Adonijah has not sealed his fate with this request. 24 The Lord has confirmed me and placed me on the throne of my father, David; he has established my dynasty as he promised. So as surely as the Lord lives, Adonijah will die this very day!”
As you read this you might be thinking Solomon is a little over zealous in his words & actions, right? I thought, "Wow! That seems a bit harsh!"
At first things may seem harsh on the front end. People may think we (as boundary setters) are being ridiculous, unreasonable, or maybe self-serving. I've been told "That's not very Christian of you" or ".. And you call yourself a Christian" or "Maybe you should pray about that before you follow through with it, because what is God telling you to do?" More on this in a minute..
Then, I decided to delve a bit further into this by reading a commentary on these scriptures! After reading the commentary, I realized in those days when a king dies.. the new reigning king will inherit everything from the former king.. including all wives & concubines. So, now it stands to reason that since Adonijah came before Bathsheba asking for one of David's concubines (Adonijah) that he was trying to manipulate his brother. He wanted what he considered to be his: the throne!
1 Kings 1:7 tells us that Adonijah had Joab's military and Abiathar, the priest, supporting his own claim to the throne. So if he got one of his Father's concubines then that would strengthen his claim with the people to be made king.
So, even though he was able to trick Bathesheba into thinking he deserved Abishag, nothing slipped past Solomon!! Adonijah's greedy, sneaky, & self-serving behavior led him straight into execution.
So just as in 1 Kings 3 Solomon asks the Lord for wisdom.. I am now asking the Lord for discernment. I don't want to be so easily manipulated or deceived like Bathsheba was.
I am often put into situations where I feel overwhelmed and uncertain how to react when my boundaries are tested. I want to be more firm in my boundaries like King Solomon was. Because, having boundaries isn't ungodly or unchristian.. it is exactly the opposite! When my boundaries are tested and I allow others to trample my boundaries, then my emotional well-being is rocked. In order for my faith to remain strong, my God-seeking desires to remain firm, and my emotional well-being remain unshaken then I must set boundaries for myself (and my family!)
My biggest concern for boundary setting is 2 things!
1) I will disappoint/hurt the other person
2) I will experience rejection from said person
**Even tho allowing others to trample my boundary may hurt me or cause me harm, I've often set those feelings aside to please the other person. Sadly, it often seems that other person, undoubtedly, has no regard to my feelings in the matter.**
But the Lord tells me that in Proverbs 31:25 that I am clothed in strength and dignity. So if this is the truth and God only speaks truth (John 3:33) then I must believe that I should be more concerned with my boundaries. I am able to love myself in this way, because God first loved me (1 John 4:19). I desire to allow myself the grace & courage I need, so that I have the strength & dignity He has clothed me in!
How about you? Maybe you need to make this a priority in your own life too.. We can pray together for God to give us wisdom & discernment with our boundary setting. Through such prayers, we will no longer see ourselves as others see us, but see ourselves the way God created us to be as women: clothed with strength & dignity! (Prov 31:25)
Proverbs 31:25 "She is clothed with strength and dignity;
and she laughs without fear of the future."
