Father's Day

Father's Day is always bittersweet for me. Bitter because my dad hasn't always been there for me. Sweet because my husband is an awesome dad! I make a great effort to really celebrate Andy on Father's Day. He is so selfless and so loving to our children! He works hard all day and comes home to let them climb all over him & wrestle. He will read to them, play video games with them, or even play on the Slip n Slide with them!!

He has taken on so much since I was put on bedrest 8 weeks ago. He is doing the shopping, taking care of our home & our children, cooking when meals aren't provided for us, and taking me to all my Dr's appointments. I am SO thankful for this wonderful man that God has given me!! 

When I was growing up, my dad was alot of fun! Not big on discipline, but very attentive to our needs as young children. He took us to the pool almost daily in the Summertime, he took us to music lessons, we went on "Daddy Dates" where we would go to the bowling alley, batting cages, or the movie theatre. These almost always resorted in going to Sonic for cheesticks or Weigel's for Icee's too! Those days were fun!!!

After some marital problems, our parents divorced the Summer we turned 12. It was a very difficult time for us. Even though parents say you don't have to choose sides.. from the moment our dad moved out of our family home.. we would forever be choosing sides. Even now, at 28 years old.. we have to choose sides.

 Fast forward five years...I went through a very difficult time when I turned 17. My mom had just divorced again from an abusive husband. My dad was in the process of another divorce with a woman I dearly loved and thought of as another Mom. My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. I was dealing with way too much bullying at school which started with rumors & giggles from my twin sister. I felt cast aside.. and all alone. In fact, I planned to graduate high school early.. desperate to enter the "adult world" and escape the heartaches of childhood I was experiencing. 

It was at 17 that my dad threatened to disown me as his daughter which he stated would also mean removing me from his Will. Everything I did that he didn't "approve of" he would say, "And that's why your boyfriend broke up with you.." and other hurtful things such as this. I was quickly becoming bitter towards my father. Feeling so desperately alone and in a place of suicide. I (fortunately) couldn't bring myself to cause bodily harm. However, as I traveled a 2 lane road & 45 minute commute every day to school or work which was a major route for 18 wheeler trucks.. I would beg & plead with God. I would pray that one would lose control and hit my car allowing me to die. Every truck I passed the entire 45 minutes. With each one that safely passed I would break further into tears and ask God, "Why?" Why couldn't he just let me die?

I was almost 18 when I met Andy. In fact, our second date was for my 18th birthday. He was so quiet and had a peace about him. He was very comforting and listened to my heartaches. He held me tight as I cried more than once on his shoulder. He would pray with me and love me unconditionally.. in a way that was very foreign to me at the age of 17.. almost 18. It didn't take me long to feel as if this man was the one I would marry. Andy proposed to me 2 months later and we married 8 months after that. We just celebrated our 10th Anniversary! Has it always been easy? Absolutely not! There have been 2-3 times we could have easily called it quits! Have we grown up together? Most certainly! I was 18 & he was 21 when we married. We have truly grown together.. as people and in the Lord! Do I feel as if Andy rescued me out of my family situation? Absolutely, positively, without a doubt!! He showed me agape love.. when nobody else could! 

Now, more than 10 years later.. my dad and I have reconciled. He isn't the first person I call when I have good or bad news. However, I do call him 1-2 times a week. I've had to forgive him in more ways than one.. and even ask his forgiveness for being so bitter towards him. I've learned that just as a non-prosthetic amputee cannot run a marathon... my dad cannot always be the dad I wish he was. 

It's been a long road, but I can accept where God has brought me from and know that even though my dad isn't maybe what I wish I had in a father.. I have a Heavenly Father who LOVES & ADORES me! He considers me to be a masterpiece. Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."  I can rejoice, because my Father in Heaven also gave me a wonderful husband who dearly loves our children and I get to celebrate Andy and my Heavenly Father on Father's Day!

Psalm 103:13 "The Lord is like a Father to His children; tender & compassionate to all who fear Him."

What God is Teaching Me on Bedrest

I sit here at my computer as the wind howls around me and a thunderstorm is in the midst. My Mother-in-Law has picked up my children to take them to their last official Awanas meeting at church and so I sit here in the quiet.. relishing it! No TV or radio.. just the sound of the keys beneath my fingers and the wind that whips through the trees in our yard.

I am 32 weeks pregnant now. I am still on bedrest, but my body is cooperating (finally)!! As long as I stay on bedrest, then there doesn't seem to be as high of a risk for him coming early like there was in the beginning. I praise the Lord for His faithfulness & that baby Josiah is doing so well & is healthy!! At a recent ultrasound we got to see him opening & closing his eyes. It was really neat to see! I will breathe a sigh of relief when he arrives and is healthy. For now, my body continues to contract & cramp and pain surrounds me. I am okay, but it's not a fun way to live when there's so many more fun things I could be doing right now instead of bedrest! hehe.

As I've had quite a bit of time to sit around and *think* about things.. My parenting skills have really been on my mind. When you have a strong-willed child and you're stuck on bedrest.. it can be a recipe for disaster as those boundary lines get pushed back further & further. But over the last 2 weeks.. God has really been giving me the sense to be more compassionate with both of my children. Right now, I have nowhere to be (except Dr's appointments) and I have no sense of urgency surrounding me. There are few deadlines I have to meet, and aside from the few people who come in to our home each day (to help us out) there is not even a sense of "time". My children, however, are stuck within the walls of our home (with the exception of outside to play when it isn't raining) and are quite bored by this new "lifestyle"!

My normal routine used to be very rushed & extremely busy! I had meetings, shows (as a Pampered Chef Consultant), play dates, homeschool days, church activities, doctor's appointments, household chores, and endless phone calls & texts! My day was hurried, had a purpose in all things, very structured, and very demanding. The biggest thing I have learned while being on bedrest is that I need to rest more in my every day life. I am more pleasant to be around and my children are no longer seen as a nuisance interrupting my day.. but a joyful asset to our family!

I enjoy the quiet times without them when friends/family take them on outings, but truthfully when they're not here.. I am really bored, ha! I am realizing that I became frustrated quicker & easier with them before bedrest than I do now. Praise the Lord for this time of reprieve to sit with them and snuggle while watching TV/movies or reading a book! Praise the Lord for the conversations we have, the pictures they color & show me, and for the flowers they bring to me from outside!!

So my question is.. are you enjoying your children? Life gets busy, and I get that! Life gets hard, and I completely understand! Parenting is not an easy job, and I am totally there with ya, Sister! But are we showering our children with Love or with the Law?

Love is patient & Love is kind! (1 Corinthians 13) The Laws of life only show us that we don't measure up! Even God doesn't deal with us in such a way.. He showers us with Love and leads us into the right direction. He knew we couldn't keep the Law and that's why He sent Jesus to us.. to save us from the Laws of Do's & Don't's. My heart has been pierced by this.. this very week!

Are we so consumed with what our children need to be doing in order to maintain our home, appearance, grades, activities, and life itself? Or are we showing them the Love of Jesus as we walk through this life together and embracing them as apart of our family for who they are? I know I so often have been in a place of trying to keep laws in order to have a cleaner home, better behavior, and have it "together" by outside appearances, but I will share something. Over the last couple of weeks as the Lord has spoken to my heart about my parenting.. and I've calmed down from the laws of what should or shouldn't be.. and allowed my children to be who they are (who GOD made them to be!) my life has gotten so much easier! My strong willed child is more compliant and more loving towards me. My shy and more quiet child feels like she can speak up and into things instead of fearing my reactions. Yes, that's painful to admit, but unfortunately it's true! Loving Jesus & Loving others.. that's what this life is all about , right?! Have you lost sight of that like I did?

God is faithful, Friends! I read a blog today about yelling at our children. I can completely identify with her!! The Important Thing About Yelling was the blog. It really penetrated my heart, because I've been there!!! Maybe this bedrest is what the Lord needed for me to go through in order to see the goodness of His mercy, His kindness, His Love, and His grace. He extends all of this to me.. who am I to not pass these sweet generosities on to my children?

What the Lord is Doing!

Here I sit at 29 weeks pregnant. I fight loneliness from being so isolated, but many friends text/call/email me throughout the day and that is definitely helpful. I look around at the "stuff" that needs to be put away, or the dishes undone in the sink, or the dust bunnies gathering in the corners and it makes me cringe.. just a little. I'm not an overtly neat person, but I do like order. I also hate dirty floors! But the Lord is teaching me to let those things go. For this unborn life inside me.. is of much more importance than dust bunnies!

At my appointment yesterday I was told I am not doing enough bed resting. My body has started cramping because of it now too.. in addition to the Braxton-Hicks that plague me the moment I stand up until the moment I return to sitting. My doctor is concerned that my uterus is being way too overworked for only 29 weeks pregnant. Thankfully, I am not dilating.. only the softening of my cervix is still apparent. She gave me medication to calm my uterus, told me more bedrest, and to stay hydrated. Above all.. she said I am to do absolutely nothing! I was warned that if my uterus hasn't calmed down by Thursday that I'm looking at Home Health having to come in for around the clock monitoring & the next step is hospitalization. I left her office in tears.

My children, being 6 & 4, are helpful but still need their Momma. They still want to eat breakfast & lunch or for me to get that coloring book that's put away on the top shelf that they can't reach. They still run out of toilet paper in the bathroom or want to be tucked in at naptime. It seems impossible to do absolutely nothing when you're already a Mom. I sent our prayer requests to friends & church family. Calls/Text/Emails began pouring in.. asking what they can do? Can they come make lunch for my kids? Can they pre-make lunches for them? Can they come & take them to the park or to the zoo for a day so I can rest?!

Andy came home from work with alot of questions I couldn't answer. He had talked with people he works with and they didn't understand my situation either. I told some friends who also had questions that I felt like I couldn't answer. Truth is.. I felt so overwhelmed at the office visit that I didn't ask too many questions. As I began trying to Google answers (and coming up with none, I might add) a friend brought dinner to us. She is a newer friend to us, but she sat down and started talking to me. She asked me how I was and something she said made me think to ask her profession. She told me she is a doctor! She practiced family medicine but did alot of her residency in OB care. So I shared with her my situation and asked for her insight. She was able to give me peace & understanding.. a 2nd opinion, if you will. She was a complete God-send to me at that moment when I needed peace!

After dinner, Andy went and got the mail. He brought me a letter addressed to either one of us. He let me open it. It had no name listed on it.. in fact the return address was our address. I opened the card and it said, "I hope this can help out your family a little bit" or something to that affect. No name & no signature. Then, I looked down at what had fallen out of the card & I literally began to weep...

You see, my doctor told me I had to cancel my Pampered Chef shows. I had to give one of them away and the others were turned into catalog parties. It's hard to get new parties off of catalog parties though! My business is suffering right now, big time. What I make in a paycheck covers our van payment and some other bills we pay each month. We were running low on funds BIG time. Unsure of how many of these bills would be paid... I clung to the fact that I knew God, my Redeemer, would rescue us & provide for us. As I looked at the check.. it's nearly the exact amount of what I would make in a month if I were doing my Pampered Chef business!! God had provided for us in a BIG way!!! I could do nothing more than weep with gratitude.

Several nights ago, while praying for God's hand to be upon us & help us.. He spoke to me to read the book of Habakkuk. This isn't necessarily a book I would sit down to intentionally read. It's a small book, and just not one you think of immediately when going to read the Bible. However, I heard Him clear as day tell me to read it. It was about midnight, so I pulled it up on my phone. And here are some verses that popped out at me!

Habakkuk 1:5 "Look around at the nations; look & be amazed! For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn't believe even if someone told you about it."

2:4 "Look at the proud! They trust in themselves, and their lives are crooked, but the righteous will live by their faithfulness to God."

3:2 "I have heard all about you, Lord. I am filled with awe by your amazing works. In this time of our deep need, help us again as you did in years gone by."

3:17-19 "Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation! The Sovereign Lord is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights."

How faithful & how good is our God!!!! He is surely to be praised for His faithfulness & His gracious hands upon us during this time!

Clothed with Strength & Dignity

I've blogged a couple of times already about what God is teaching me in terms of boundaries in my life. A few weeks ago (I'm a bit late in my blogging!) God truly spoke to me through a story in 1 Kings about Bathsheba & King Solomon. Wow-- people think the Old Testament is boring? Friends, it truly is FULL of wisdom and abundant in God's truths! The more of the Old Testament that I read the more I am drawn to it! It's incredible how the Lord works... at the exact time that I needed to hear God's truths about boundaries He had me in 1 Kings 2.

So this is what happened:

2 Kings 2:13-17

¹³ One day Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith, came to see Bathsheba, Solomon’s mother. “Have you come with peaceful intentions?” she asked him.

“Yes,” he said, “I come in peace. ¹⁴ In fact, I have a favor to ask of you.”

“What is it?” she asked.

¹⁵ He replied, “As you know, the kingdom was rightfully mine; all Israel wanted me to be the next king. But the tables were turned, and the kingdom went to my brother [Solomon, whose mother was Bathsheba*] instead; for that is the way the Lord wanted it. ¹⁶ So now I have just one favor to ask of you. Please don’t turn me down.”

“What is it?” she asked.

¹⁷ He replied, “Speak to King Solomon on my behalf, for I know he will do anything you request. Ask him to let me marry Abishag, the girl from Shunem.”

*added for further explanation

Let me create a side note here to explain that in 1 Kings 1 David was very old and very cold. They brought in a virgin girl to be with him. Their relationship was never consummated, although she was considered a concubine. She only waited on him and laid with him to keep him warm. Her name was Abishag, the girl that Adonijah wanted to marry.

So Bathsheba appeared before King Solomon requesting a favor... 

1 Kings 2:21-24

²¹ “Then let your brother Adonijah marry Abishag, the girl from Shunem,” she replied.
²² “How can you possibly ask me to give Abishag to Adonijah?” King Solomon demanded. “You might as well ask me to give him the kingdom! You know that he is my older brother, and that he has Abiathar the priest and Joab son of Zeruiah on his side.”
²³ Then King Solomon made a vow before the Lord: “May God strike me and even kill me if Adonijah has not sealed his fate with this request. ²⁴ The Lord has confirmed me and placed me on the throne of my father, David; he has established my dynasty as he promised. So as surely as the Lord lives, Adonijah will die this very day!”

As you read this you might be thinking Solomon is a little over zealous in his words & actions, right? I thought, "Wow! That seems a bit harsh!"

At first things may seem harsh on the front end. People may think we (as boundary setters) are being ridiculous, unreasonable, or maybe self-serving. I've been told "That's not very Christian of you" or ".. And you call yourself a Christian" or "Maybe you should pray about that before you follow through with it, because what is God telling you to do?"  More on this in a minute..

Then, I decided to delve a bit further into this by reading a commentary on these scriptures! After reading the commentary, I realized in those days when a king dies.. the new reigning king will inherit everything from the former king.. including all wives & concubines. So, now it stands to reason that since Adonijah came before Bathsheba asking for one of David's concubines (Adonijah) that he was trying to manipulate his brother. He wanted what he considered to be his: the throne! 

1 Kings 1:7  tells us that Adonijah had Joab's military and Abiathar, the priest, supporting his own claim to the throne. So if he got one of his Father's concubines then that would strengthen his claim with the people to be made king.

So, even though he was able to trick Bathesheba into thinking he deserved Abishag, nothing slipped past Solomon!! Adonijah's greedy, sneaky, & self-serving behavior led him straight into execution. 

So just as in 1 Kings 3 Solomon asks the Lord for wisdom.. I am now asking the Lord for discernment. I don't want to be so easily manipulated or deceived like Bathsheba was.

I am often put into situations where I feel overwhelmed and uncertain how to react when my boundaries are tested. I want to be more firm in my boundaries like King Solomon was. Because, having boundaries isn't ungodly or unchristian.. it is exactly the opposite! When my boundaries are tested and I allow others to trample my boundaries, then my emotional well-being is rocked. In order for my faith to remain strong, my God-seeking desires to remain firm, and my emotional well-being remain unshaken then I must set boundaries for myself (and my family!)  

My biggest concern for boundary setting is 2 things!

1) I will disappoint/hurt the other person

2) I will experience rejection from said person

**Even tho allowing others to trample my boundary may hurt me or cause me harm, I've often set those feelings aside to please the other person. Sadly, it often seems that other person, undoubtedly, has no regard to my feelings in the matter.**

But the Lord tells me that in Proverbs 31:25 that I am clothed in strength and dignity. So if this is the truth and God only speaks truth (John 3:33) then I must believe that I should be more concerned with my boundaries. I am able to love myself in this way, because God first loved me (1 John 4:19). I desire to allow myself the grace & courage I need, so that I have the strength & dignity He has clothed me in!

How about you? Maybe you need to make this a priority in your own life too.. We can pray together for God to give us wisdom & discernment with our boundary setting. Through such prayers, we will no longer see ourselves as others see us, but see ourselves the way God created us to be as women: clothed with strength & dignity! (Prov 31:25)

Proverbs 31:25 "She is clothed with strength and dignity; 

and she laughs without fear of the future."

I posted this on Facebook and ended up with almost 40 comments. Some agreed and others did not. I want to post it on here too as a reminder to anyone who read my blog to make sure that we as women do all we can to protect our marriages!


"Ok friends.. I feel compelled to climb aboard my soapbox this morning. It won't be long, I promise! I'm not condemning or chastising anyone for your actions.. That is not my mission. I just want to bring light & truth to something. Many people have read 50 Shades of Grey and I can't understand the hype of reading pornography and erotica. It's not good for our marriages. Then Magic Mike came out last night and I'm saddened at hearing how many people are attending this movie. Not because I'm so religious I can't find the fun in things, but because.. If this idea of strippers was turned around I would be heartbroken for my hubby to go! If he went to a movie like that I would feel that I could never measure up, I would feel very ugly in comparison and that would hinder our relationship. Matthew 5:28 says "But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart." This applies to women too! Do we think just because we are women that we are immune to such sins as sexual lust & adultery? Aren't our marriages more than this?? Women of faith, I beg you.. Really pray and seek the Lord.. Is reading these books and watching these movies building up your marriage or slowly eroding its foundation? It's worth thinking about! Satan wants to destroy our marriages, and currently I believe he's using 50 Shades of Grey & Magic Mike to do just this! And ask yourself.. If my hubby looked at playboy and watched a pornographic (in nature) movie.. How would that make me feel as a woman? Ok.. That's all I have to say.. I have slid down from the Soapbox and my plea is over. I love you dear friends and I hope you've heard my heart in this as one of love & concern for our marriages in America!!" 

Written by me on June 30, 2012 and posted on Facebook