I feel compelled to write down the journey I've been on over the last few weeks. It's been one of many highs and great lows, but ultimately one that ends in joy!!
The day before Thanksgiving (November 21st) we found out I am pregnant!
This was a surprise to me as I had been diagnosed with
PCOS which is a metabolic/hormone disorder that can cause infertility. We were so excited about being pregnant that I couldn't stand it and we told our kiddos on Thanksgiving day at breakfast! They were so elated that our sweet, tender hearted little Lydia started crying with "happy tears" as she called them. Elijah immediately wanted to know if we're having a boy or a girl! Then under no uncertain terms he tells us he only wants a girl.. not a boy. (Truth is-- he doesn't want to share his room, lol!)
The day or so afterwards I told them we would have to think of a name for our new baby! I told them a few I've liked for a long time. They didn't like ANY of the boy names, because they are convinced we are having a girl and will not even think of boy names. After a few girl names Elijah exclaims, "We don't get to name our baby, Momma. God does!" We had just been studying in our Bible time about the Angel coming to Zechariah & Elizabeth and told them their baby's name would be John. Then an Angel appeared to Mary & Joseph and told them their baby would be named Jesus. So he was convinced this sort of thing would happen to us too. I didn't think much about his comment (other than the sweetness of it) until much later...
I went to my first appointment last Thursday, November 29th. When I went I should have been around 7 1/2 weeks along. They did the Ultrasound and the sac only measured 6 weeks. There was no heartbeat.. there was no baby. I was devastated, because Lydia & Elijah had both been spotted on Ultrasound just prior to 6 weeks gestation. They did my
hcg levels and they were at 60,000. The nurse explained that a baby should most definitely be visible with levels that high. They put me on Progesterone to help prevent miscarriage just to be safe. As I did research on all of this, the term
Blighted Ovum kept arising. Which would end up in miscarriage or a D&C because baby would have stopped developing.
Needless to say, I've been very concerned and very much a "basket case" over the last week. I had a
miscarriage in July, and I truly did not want to have to go through all of that again. So I desperately sought out prayer from friends & family and I know it's through their prayers that I've made it through this difficult week. So while I drank in the peace of their prayers, let me share with you all that God spoke to my heart over this last week. It's pretty cool, in my opinion!!
First off, the name Zoey kept coming to my mind. Anytime I'd pray for this baby, the name Zoey would pop up in my head (which I do not find to be a coincidence!) If you look up the name Zoey you will see it's a derivative of Zoe which in the Greek means Life! So, I clung to this, but I wasn't sure if this meant Life with us here on earth, or eternal life with Jesus. Either way it gave me peace and grace to know that our sweet baby was in His hands!
On Sunday, a friend handed me a note card with the verses 1 John 5:14-15 written on it. This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him." This friend knew I was having a difficult time right now, but she didn't know the reason. She handed it to me prior to the church service.
Then, during the service that morning we learned about how the Angel appeared to Mary and said, "Do not be afraid" and that spoke so deeply into my heart (even tho it's a phrase I've heard all my life!!) I knew the Lord was speaking it to me that morning! Then, Andy was teaching in Bible Fellowship Class about when Joshua was leading the Israelites into Canaan and there were giants and they were all so worried, but God spoke and said, "Do not be afraid. I will never leave you nor forsake you." Once again, it pierced my heart!!
That evening as I was telling some friends on FB about the verses 1 John 5:14-15 from that morning.. I opened up my Bible App to get the exact words. The verse of the day (I cannot for the life of me find the passage now!) but it said, "You have not done this before. Pray and ask this in my name and it will be given to you with joyful abundance." I cried out to the Lord and prayed for God to breathe life into this child of ours. Once again, the name Zoey came to my heart & mind. Which I shared with Andy.. I had not shared all of the spiritual part of this with him, until that moment. He said, "If it's a girl.. we will name her Zoey."
Last night, I was praying with our kids before bed. I told them I had an ultrasound today that would tell us if our baby was okay. They knew there has been some health issues surrounding the pregnancy. They've heard me tell a few people about my "Zoey" story and how I have been clinging to God's strength & mercy because of how He keeps giving me this name. Then, Elijah said after our prayers last night, "Mommy.. see.. God did name our baby. He named her Zoey. That's how we know it's a girl." It was profound!! How awesome is that?! So we prayed for our Zoey baby!
Today, we went to the Dr's office and my stomach was in knots and my hands were shaking as she performed the Ultrasound. She explained to me she cannot tell me anything and she cannot explain anything to me. However, if there is a baby with a heartbeat, then she can speak of that. At first.. the sac was empty again. My heart began to sink, but then I saw a sparkle on the screen. She moved the wand and lo & behold there was the baby. I didn't see a heartbeat though. She magnified the screen, and said.. "Look here!" The heartbeat was 153 bpm... and then she high-fived me.. she knew my anguish and my sadness from the last ultrasound she had performed! God is so good and I shared with her my story about "Zoey". She told me there's no way she could do her job as an ultrasonographer and not believe in God!
What a blessing.. what an early Christmas present for us this is, and what joy fills my heart over our sweet "Zoey baby".. thank you ALL so much for your prayers! It sustained me through this week, and I have no doubt that it was so many prayers that led to us seeing this sweet baby on ultrasound with a strong, healthy heartbeat today!
"She" is 8 weeks gestation and due on July 15th! I feel SO blessed to have this miracle as apart of my testimony and to know that Jesus truly carried me through this week!!!
(For those who aren't familiar with Ultrasounds..the black "hole" is the baby's sac. This was all we saw last week.. an empty black "hole". The little white part inside the black hole (on the right) is the baby that is there today!
.JPG)
