38 Weeks & Counting Down!

I sit here and write this.. feeling blessed, so very blessed.. and worn out at the same time! I am almost 39 weeks pregnant. Twelve weeks ago, this achievement of reaching 9 months pregnant seemed impossible. I was put on bedrest as my body was preparing for delivery at 27 weeks into my pregnancy. My body was wracked with constant Braxon-Hicks contractions & cramping. We prayed and sought the Lord and begged him to allow our baby Josiah to hang out much longer within the confines of my body. Yet, here I am 3 months from that time, and am actually praying, "Lord, let Josiah come today!" Isn't that funny & ironic?

One of the greatest things about our story is the fact that Lydia & Elijah have fervently prayed that Josiah wouldn't come early. For 3 months, 2-3 times daily, this has been the words that poured from their hearts during each prayer time we have had. How cool is that!?! They are 6 & 4 years old and God has heard their cries and answered their prayers! I LOVE that! I love that He hears all of our prayers.. even the ones of the young children!!

From the nerve pain I now experience in my pelvis, night-time insomnia, and terrible acid reflux.. I am very ready to evict the little life that takes residence in my body! I praise the Lord I don't have any swelling though.. I imagine that would be quite terrible!! I am thankful that God gives very pregnant women the nesting instinct, or else it would be nearly impossible to take care of my home & children. How great & thoughtful our Lord is that he even gives me these sleepless nights. It definitely prepares me for what's ahead with a newborn baby!! I texted my sister earlier and jokingly said, "I now know what Grandma must have felt like when she got run over by a reindeer." I feel very worn down, but from what I've read online.. this feeling of puniness, exhaustion, and overall icky feeling can be a precursor to labor! So I have my fingers crossed, hehe!

Josiah is measuring between 7.5-8 lbs and is very healthy! My body is dilating & effacing as I prepare for my VBAC birth and I am ecstatic to meet this little guy!! I praise God for his healthy weight and from all we can tell.. a healthy baby!! My body has never prepared for labor before. After 2.5 years of chiropractic care.. it is doing it and I can't tell you how happy this makes me!! The hospital wasn't very pleased when I explained to them my desire for a VBA2C, but thankfully my Doctor is on board, and I know we can do this!!! I anxiously await for the contractions to become consistent! I am walking as much as I can and drinking lots of red raspberry tea... and praying, lots of praying for him to come!!! hehe

Lydia & Elijah are so excited as we prepare to meet Josiah. They love talking to & hugging my belly and including Josiah in every thing we do. It's absolutely precious & warms my heart immensely. How sweet my children are!!

I know the nights will be long and I understand there will be a big transition that takes place in our home, but we are very excited as we become a family of 5. I've been fervently asking the Lord to prepare our hearts for this transition; making it smooth for all of us. I have been sharing with Lydia & Eli about the needs & cries of a newborn. To which, at this point, they are understanding and okay with! We will see how long that understanding truly lasts!! I know the day will be here soon in which Josiah makes his appearance, but I will selfishly admit that the days drag on forever as we anticipate his arrival!!

So, here's to hoping that this is my last post as a pregnant woman and my next post will be pictures of our sweet newborn son and my birth story!!

38 weeks pregnant

What God is Teaching Me on Bedrest

I sit here at my computer as the wind howls around me and a thunderstorm is in the midst. My Mother-in-Law has picked up my children to take them to their last official Awanas meeting at church and so I sit here in the quiet.. relishing it! No TV or radio.. just the sound of the keys beneath my fingers and the wind that whips through the trees in our yard.

I am 32 weeks pregnant now. I am still on bedrest, but my body is cooperating (finally)!! As long as I stay on bedrest, then there doesn't seem to be as high of a risk for him coming early like there was in the beginning. I praise the Lord for His faithfulness & that baby Josiah is doing so well & is healthy!! At a recent ultrasound we got to see him opening & closing his eyes. It was really neat to see! I will breathe a sigh of relief when he arrives and is healthy. For now, my body continues to contract & cramp and pain surrounds me. I am okay, but it's not a fun way to live when there's so many more fun things I could be doing right now instead of bedrest! hehe.

As I've had quite a bit of time to sit around and *think* about things.. My parenting skills have really been on my mind. When you have a strong-willed child and you're stuck on bedrest.. it can be a recipe for disaster as those boundary lines get pushed back further & further. But over the last 2 weeks.. God has really been giving me the sense to be more compassionate with both of my children. Right now, I have nowhere to be (except Dr's appointments) and I have no sense of urgency surrounding me. There are few deadlines I have to meet, and aside from the few people who come in to our home each day (to help us out) there is not even a sense of "time". My children, however, are stuck within the walls of our home (with the exception of outside to play when it isn't raining) and are quite bored by this new "lifestyle"!

My normal routine used to be very rushed & extremely busy! I had meetings, shows (as a Pampered Chef Consultant), play dates, homeschool days, church activities, doctor's appointments, household chores, and endless phone calls & texts! My day was hurried, had a purpose in all things, very structured, and very demanding. The biggest thing I have learned while being on bedrest is that I need to rest more in my every day life. I am more pleasant to be around and my children are no longer seen as a nuisance interrupting my day.. but a joyful asset to our family!

I enjoy the quiet times without them when friends/family take them on outings, but truthfully when they're not here.. I am really bored, ha! I am realizing that I became frustrated quicker & easier with them before bedrest than I do now. Praise the Lord for this time of reprieve to sit with them and snuggle while watching TV/movies or reading a book! Praise the Lord for the conversations we have, the pictures they color & show me, and for the flowers they bring to me from outside!!

So my question is.. are you enjoying your children? Life gets busy, and I get that! Life gets hard, and I completely understand! Parenting is not an easy job, and I am totally there with ya, Sister! But are we showering our children with Love or with the Law?

Love is patient & Love is kind! (1 Corinthians 13) The Laws of life only show us that we don't measure up! Even God doesn't deal with us in such a way.. He showers us with Love and leads us into the right direction. He knew we couldn't keep the Law and that's why He sent Jesus to us.. to save us from the Laws of Do's & Don't's. My heart has been pierced by this.. this very week!

Are we so consumed with what our children need to be doing in order to maintain our home, appearance, grades, activities, and life itself? Or are we showing them the Love of Jesus as we walk through this life together and embracing them as apart of our family for who they are? I know I so often have been in a place of trying to keep laws in order to have a cleaner home, better behavior, and have it "together" by outside appearances, but I will share something. Over the last couple of weeks as the Lord has spoken to my heart about my parenting.. and I've calmed down from the laws of what should or shouldn't be.. and allowed my children to be who they are (who GOD made them to be!) my life has gotten so much easier! My strong willed child is more compliant and more loving towards me. My shy and more quiet child feels like she can speak up and into things instead of fearing my reactions. Yes, that's painful to admit, but unfortunately it's true! Loving Jesus & Loving others.. that's what this life is all about , right?! Have you lost sight of that like I did?

God is faithful, Friends! I read a blog today about yelling at our children. I can completely identify with her!! The Important Thing About Yelling was the blog. It really penetrated my heart, because I've been there!!! Maybe this bedrest is what the Lord needed for me to go through in order to see the goodness of His mercy, His kindness, His Love, and His grace. He extends all of this to me.. who am I to not pass these sweet generosities on to my children?

Bedrest Update!

On Thursday, I got the test results for my preterm labor fetal-fibronectin test. The nurse called me and said it's positive. This isn't the kind of result you want with this type of test. It means, preterm labor is imminent. She tells me it can be as soon as 2 weeks or later. I am told that I am on strict bedrest and I must cancel my Pampered Chef Show that is scheduled (that night!) I have been a little concerned (with my Braxton-Hicks & pain levels) how I would make it through this show that was also 45 minutes away, but I was excited about this party.. because I had coached my host well & she was excited for a great party!! Those are my favorite ones to do!! Nonetheless, I found a replacement and I stayed home. The nurse wanted me back in the office the next day.

Friday afternoon, Andy accompanied me as I went through another cervical exam, ultrasound, and fetal non-stress test. The exam showed that I am still not dilated, but my cervix is very soft (which we knew!) and the ultrasound showed that I am not in immediate danger as my cervix hasn't shortened. The doctor tells me, "We've caught this early! Which is a good thing! We must be proactive!!" She explains that I will be in the office for testing & monitoring twice a week now. I will be on bedrest. I can go on non-stressful outings for short periods of time & can make my children's lunches, but absolutely no cooking and no cleaning. I am to rest, hydrate, rest, hydrate, and so forth. 

At first glance, this all may sound wonderful, right? You're told by the doctor you can't do anything but sit & sleep? How wonderful! I must tell you though.. I am a social person! I get such a buzz from being with friends and socializing with them!! Being on bedrest is kind of lonely for me.. already.. 6 days in! It's also hard for me to look around our home and see things that need to be done or put away, etc and not be able to do anything about it. Thankfully, Lydia is 6 & Elijah is 4. They are pretty self-sufficient, but they are also having to learn I cannot do for them as I was doing before. This is a learning curve for all of us! I am definitely learning to give up control!

The other thing I'm learning is to ask & receive!! Since I was young I have been the type of person that if something needs to be done, then I'll do it! I grew up where money wasn't prevalent and at 14 my sister and I started our own babysitting business just to have money for our lunches at school. Our parents were newly divorced and we didn't have alot of luxury in our teenage years. We worked!! It's hard for me to ask for help.. It's hard for me to receive help! But God is already teaching me, mostly because I don't have a choice, that help is needed and to allow others to bless me with their help for my family and me. Truthfully, the blessings have been overwhelming & I am so very very grateful for all they are doing for us!!

So, I suppose my blogging will become about my journey through bedrest now. I have 8-10 weeks on bedrest at this point. At 28 weeks now, my doctor hopes to get me past 34 weeks and to atleast 36! She is really hoping for 38! It will be interesting to see what the Lord teaches me during this time! 

My full time job used to be Mom: Homeschool Teacher, Cook, & Maid and Pampered Chef Consultant! These roles are changing for a short time and my new job is... growing a baby! 

27 Wks Pregnant and a bit Concerned..

I am 27 weeks & 3 days today!

In my last 2 pregnancies I really enjoyed being pregnant. There are quite a few aches & pains that accompany pregnancy.. but that aside.. I loved it! I love feeling the baby move & grow! Despite stretch marks and my lumps & bumps.. I love the way my body looks! Maybe I should more specifically say.. I love the way my body looks in clothes, ha! I love that you can eat and not have to worry about the feeling you get when you "wish you could unbutton your pants, but how inappropriate is that?!" You have on maternity/stretch pants.. you're almost always getting to wear COMFY clothes!! I love pregnancy!!

I will be completely honest though and say.. this pregnancy has been hard for me. Really hard. I don't want to complain too much or whine, because I have friends that I know who suffer with infertility & miscarriages and I know their hearts are shattered by such tragedy. I know they would take my place in 2 seconds and endure the hardships of pregnancy like a badge of honor. So, please, hear me when I say that I love being pregnant with my little Josiah.. even though it hasn't been easy this time around.

For the last couple of weeks I've had many Braxton-Hicks. They start out just feeling kind of weird, but after so many.. they begin to hurt. When I stand, they come on alot more frequent and the evenings are the worst in terms of this for me. I'm also dealing with alot of ligament pain. The inside of my leg up through the right side of my belly feel like it's on fire much of the time when I move. The ligament pain is a dear old friend, but I will say.. she came back with a vengeance this time around much worse than my previous pregnancies. The Braxton-Hicks.. this often, this painful.. it's all new to me. So I tell my Doctor of this news today.

She is concerned about actual contractions & does a pelvic exam. She tells me I am not dilated (praise the Lord) but my cervix is much more softened than it is supposed to be and that is cause for concern. She is doing a test to check for the possibility of preterm labor and I get those results tomorrow. In the meantime, I am told to rest and I may have to look at lowering my activity level. I'll tell ya.. aside from doing my cooking shows.. I feel pretty worthless in terms of activity as it is. I do minimal house cleaning and alot of couch warming!!

However, this does mean that if I am to lower my activity level that it will cut down or out my ability to do my cooking shows. If I may be honest..With the pain I experience.. this comes as a bit of a relief.  However, as I look out the window and see my van that I so dearly love & am grateful for.. the inability to do my cooking shows concerns me, because it is with my PC income that the van payment is paid!

I do not want to overdo it so much that I cause myself to go into labor and put Josiah in harms way, so I will do what I am told to the best of my ability if it comes down to bedrest. I know that God is faithful & He will provide for our family financially, physically, & emotionally!! It is hard being in this phase of not knowing and being concerned though. However, I serve a God who does know.. EVERYTHING!! He will provide & care for Josiah & me and the needs of our family!!

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart & lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways look to Him and He will direct your paths."  He is FAITHFUL!!

~I look forward to when I can look back at this post and see exactly what God did to care for our needs during this time!! It will be a joy!!~

22 Weeks & Changes in our Home!

I am now 22 weeks pregnant.

 Here I am at 20 weeks pregnant.

We are getting things ready for little Josiah as he's growing bigger each day and the kids' excitement is growing too!!

We decided to put them both in the same room and Josiah is Lydia's old room. We painted both rooms a really pretty sky blue. Everybody helped.. even Cassie tried to!

So now the kids' room looks like this:

Lydia in one corner and Elijah in the opposite corner! They both love their new spaces and the pictures are true to form.. Elijah is so messy, lol!!

We went through a small scare with the pregnancy where Josiah wasn't gaining enough weight. They put me on a diet of EATING and now he has caught up with where he's supposed to be! I go back again this week for another ultrasound. They couldn't get all the pictures they needed of his heart, so they want to check one more time to see if they can get it.

During the scan he was curled up in a corner with his legs over his head. He had LOTS of room to move in, but preferred being in the corner (as he normally does) curled up in a ball. He's such a funny little guy, already!

Facing us.. face on right, belly on left.

I praise the Lord that he is healthier now & moving around much more too!! For now, they've released me from the diabetic diet. I do the glucose test on Wednesday though (3/20) and we will decide then if I need to be back on the diabetic diet. For now, I am just trying to be mindful of what I eat. 

I am just praising the Lord for this little life within me and trying hard to savor each moment.. especially when the ligament pains hit (they are quite painful!) hehe.

Surprise!

On February 13th we had an ultrasound appointment to find out if our baby was a boy or girl. I jokingly told everyone, "It's really just verification of a girl!" We were all confident in having a girl! Lydia & Elijah were fully convinced that our baby was a girl and due to our "Zoey Experience" we named our baby Zoey Noelle. Noelle, because "she" was our Christmas Miracle!! People inquired what boy names we had, and I told them, "We have several we like, but none that we've decided on. Truly, because we feel like the baby is a girl."

We counted down the days til our appointment on the 13th with great excitement!! Lydia & Elijah were elated as they called my name from the waiting room. We got into the ultrasound room and I shared with the tech, "We think the baby is a girl." The kids glowing with excitement both echoed my sentiments of baby being a girl. I explained to the tech, "They are fully expecting that baby is a girl!" She took a quick peek and said, "Umm.. I think I see something" to which Andy replied, "... Well.. I think I saw it too.." She went on to look at the other organs and came back to the anatomy check. She said, "Well, Mom & Dad.." and we both said, "We see!" and she wrote this on the ultrasound...

The arrow is pointing to the anatomy of a BOY!!! Imagine our surprise!!!! lol! After the tech quietly wrote these words she kindly leaned over and whispered, "I'll let you explain this to them (Lydia & Elijah) in private."

I couldn't stop laughing.. truly! God has such a sense of humor and it cracked me UP! We walked to the private room to meet with the Dr and Lydia sadly says, "Mommy.. that lady never told us if our baby is a boy or a girl.." We walked in and I said, "Do you want to know.. really want to know?" They both shook their heads with SUCH excitement. So I told them our baby is a boy! Lydia had huge tears well up in her eyes. It was so pitiful and I hugged her and told her it is okay to feel disappointment. Elijah jumped up & down yelling, "I want a girl! I don't want a boy!" The Dr walked in and said, "What's the matter with you guys? You look so sad!" She giggled when I told her the issue, but was very empathetic with both of them!!

We tried cheering them up by taking them to Chickfila. They were excited about that and asked if they could play on the playground. We told them of course they could! We got to the Chickfila (not our usual location) and realized that the play area was outdoors... and it was raining!!! They were heartbroken again. It was a sad day for Lydia & Elijah!!

Today, February 17th, they are coming around! We have named him Josiah David and they are beginning to talk to my belly again and rub it. Now instead of hearing, "I love you Zoey!" we hear, "I love you Josiah!" with such love & compassion! Funny thing is.. Elijah really routed for the name Josiah, but consistently forgets his name. He often says, "The baby" and Lydia will say, "You mean Josiah?" Then, he answers, "Yes! Bosiah" He keeps saying it with a B instead of a J. He will get it though!!

Meaning of Name:

Josiah = The Lord Saves

David = Beloved

In the meantime, Josiah is healthy but really underweight. I have been put on a diet of EATING and told not to be on my Insulin Resistance Diet  (aka gestational diabetes diet) for now, but to eat as much as I possibly can. I go back in 10 days to have another scan and hope that he has gained weight!! At this point in the pregnancy (18 weeks) I've only gained 2 lbs. I pray that I (and Josiah) will gain more when I go back! Aside from that, he is a fighter & doing great!!!

Do you see his little foot? It's a perfect imprint with 5 perfect little toes!

Side profile picture. His chin is down to his chest. His head is on the right.

Thank you all for your continued prayers for our precious little Josiah!! 

We are so excited and so thankful for the Lord saving his life and allowing us to love him!

16 Weeks Pregnant!

I am now 16 weeks pregnant!

I went to the Dr today to check on the pregnancy and further discuss VBAC info. I was very pleased with my visit as many fears I had were reassured and my Dr and her PA are very supportive of VBAC and laid back about the process! The Lord has provided a Doula for me to use during my labor and I'm hoping that with her help I will also avoid having the c-section. God is just putting so many things into place for me!! I'm getting more & more excited!!

My Insulin Resistance is doing really well and my blood sugar levels are staying low now! This is making me very happy as I may actually avoid the Gestational Diabetes.. which will make me VERY happy!!

Today, baby's heartbeat was really strong! I didn't realize that the baby was so high in my abdomen at this point, but he/she was hanging out right at my belly button!! I'm shocked that (despite how I look) I haven't gained any weight in this pregnancy yet. Although, that makes me happy too in hopes of not keeping extra baby weight on for a long time.. after baby is born! We go back on Feb 13th (2 weeks) for the gender scan! Lydia & Elijah are going with us and are so excited about it!! I look forward to seeing their faces when they see the baby move around!!

Now, as time is beginning to get closer and go by faster.. I'm just trying to figure out living arrangements! I have 2 options with our 3 bedroom home!

1) Put Lydia & Elijah in the same room together for about a year, until baby is better adjusted to sleeping schedules and is less needy. Then moving baby in with whichever child is the same gender!

2) Lydia wants to share a room with the baby (if baby is a girl. Although, I am feeling certain that the baby is a girl!) I just can't decide if this is the best way to go for now. That will be much interruption for her! Also, while baby is napping, then she won't be able to go into her room like she wants. 

I'm leaning more toward option 1 at this point. I do have some more time to figure it out though, hehe! 

A Christmas Miracle

I feel compelled to write down the journey I've been on over the last few weeks. It's been one of many highs and great lows, but ultimately one that ends in joy!!

The day before Thanksgiving (November 21st) we found out I am pregnant!



This was a surprise to me as I had been diagnosed with PCOS which is a metabolic/hormone disorder that can cause infertility. We were so excited about being pregnant that I couldn't stand it and we told our kiddos on Thanksgiving day at breakfast! They were so elated that our sweet, tender hearted little Lydia started crying with "happy tears" as she called them. Elijah immediately wanted to know if we're having a boy or a girl! Then under no uncertain terms he tells us he only wants a girl.. not a boy. (Truth is-- he doesn't want to share his room, lol!)

The day or so afterwards I told them we would have to think of a name for our new baby! I told them a few I've liked for a long time. They didn't like ANY of the boy names, because they are convinced we are having a girl and will not even think of boy names. After a few girl names Elijah exclaims, "We don't get to name our baby, Momma. God does!" We had just been studying in our Bible time about the Angel coming to Zechariah & Elizabeth and told them their baby's name would be John. Then an Angel appeared to Mary & Joseph and told them their baby would be named Jesus. So he was convinced this sort of thing would happen to us too. I didn't think much about his comment (other than the sweetness of it) until much later...

I went to my first appointment last Thursday, November 29th. When I went I should have been around 7 1/2 weeks along. They did the Ultrasound and the sac only measured 6 weeks. There was no heartbeat.. there was no baby. I was devastated, because Lydia & Elijah had both been spotted on Ultrasound just prior to 6 weeks gestation. They did my hcg levels and they were at 60,000. The nurse explained that a baby should most definitely be visible with levels that high. They put me on Progesterone to help prevent miscarriage just to be safe. As I did research on all of this, the term Blighted Ovum kept arising. Which would end up in miscarriage or a D&C because baby would have stopped developing.

Needless to say, I've been very concerned and very much a "basket case" over the last week. I had a miscarriage in July, and I truly did not want to have to go through all of that again. So I desperately sought out prayer from friends & family and I know it's through their prayers that I've made it through this difficult week. So while I drank in the peace of their prayers, let me share with you all that God spoke to my heart over this last week. It's pretty cool, in my opinion!!

First off, the name Zoey kept coming to my mind. Anytime I'd pray for this baby, the name Zoey would pop up in my head (which I do not find to be a coincidence!) If you look up the name Zoey you will see it's a derivative of  Zoe which in the Greek means Life! So, I clung to this, but I wasn't sure if this meant Life with us here on earth, or eternal life with Jesus. Either way it gave me peace and grace to know that our sweet baby was in His hands!

On Sunday, a friend handed me a note card with the verses 1 John 5:14-15 written on it. This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him." This friend knew I was having a difficult time right now, but she didn't know the reason. She handed it to me prior to the church service.
Then, during the service that morning we learned about how the Angel appeared to Mary and said, "Do not be afraid" and that spoke so deeply into my heart (even tho it's a phrase I've heard all my life!!) I knew the Lord was speaking it to me that morning! Then, Andy was teaching in Bible Fellowship Class about when Joshua was leading the Israelites into Canaan and there were giants and they were all so worried, but God spoke and said, "Do not be afraid. I will never leave you nor forsake you." Once again, it pierced my heart!!
That evening as I was telling some friends on FB about the verses 1 John 5:14-15 from that morning.. I opened up my Bible App to get the exact words. The verse of the day (I cannot for the life of me find the passage now!) but it said, "You have not done this before. Pray and ask this in my name and it will be given to you with joyful abundance." I cried out to the Lord and prayed for God to breathe life into this child of ours. Once again, the name Zoey came to my heart & mind. Which I shared with Andy.. I had not shared all of the spiritual part of this with him, until that moment. He said, "If it's a girl.. we will name her Zoey."
Last night, I was praying with our kids before bed. I told them I had an ultrasound today that would tell us if our baby was okay. They knew there has been some health issues surrounding the pregnancy. They've heard me tell a few people about my "Zoey" story and how I have been clinging to God's strength & mercy because of how He keeps giving me this name. Then, Elijah said after our prayers last night, "Mommy.. see.. God did name our baby. He named her Zoey. That's how we know it's a girl." It was profound!! How awesome is that?! So we prayed for our Zoey baby!

Today, we went to the Dr's office and my stomach was in knots and my hands were shaking as she performed the Ultrasound. She explained to me she cannot tell me anything and she cannot explain anything to me. However, if there is a baby with a heartbeat, then she can speak of that. At first.. the sac was empty again. My heart began to sink, but then I saw a sparkle on the screen. She moved the wand and lo & behold there was the baby. I didn't see a heartbeat though. She magnified the screen, and said.. "Look here!" The heartbeat was 153 bpm... and then she high-fived me.. she knew my anguish and my sadness from the last ultrasound she had performed! God is so good and I shared with her my story about "Zoey". She told me there's no way she could do her job as an ultrasonographer and not believe in God!

What a blessing.. what an early Christmas present for us this is, and what joy fills my heart over our sweet "Zoey baby".. thank you ALL so much for your prayers! It sustained me through this week, and I have no doubt that it was so many prayers that led to us seeing this sweet baby on ultrasound with a strong, healthy heartbeat today!

"She" is 8 weeks gestation and due on July 15th! I feel SO blessed to have this miracle as apart of my testimony and to know that Jesus truly carried me through this week!!!

 (For those who aren't familiar with Ultrasounds..the black "hole" is the baby's sac. This was all we saw last week.. an empty black "hole". The little white part inside the black hole (on the right) is the baby that is there today!