Yesterday was a physically painful day. Today is an emotionally painful day. While I'm thankful that much of the physical pain has subsided.. I have had much grieving & mourning this day. Today, I really feel the emptiness & sadness of losing this precious little one. I want to hope that maybe everything is okay, but then I have to keep reality that everything isn't okay. The baby is in Heaven now... no longer with me. That's hard to remember sometimes.
I still feel little twinges in my pelvis area like I was feeling when I was pregnant. It's hard to feel those again (I am not sure why I'm still feeling them..) and then I remember that the baby isn't there anymore.
I was in the middle of looking for a new doctor's office when all of this occurred. So I'm going to contact a new office tomorrow (Monday) and see if they'll take me on at this point. I hope they will and I can go get checked out to make sure that everything has passed.
My heart still aches, but I know my God is faithful. I know that if it's God's will that I can be pregnant again one day. If He chooses for me not to be pregnant again one day, then He will give me the grace & peace I need to end that chapter of my life.
Homeschooling starts tomorrow and I'm not feeling quite up to it. Hopefully, tomorrow I will feel better and more capable of doing all that I need to do. In the meantime, my rest & my hope lies in the hands of Jesus. The exact hands that now hold my baby. The exact hands that hold the world together. I praise Jesus that I will have that sweet baby to meet again one day in Heaven.
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