Still Learning Boundaries

In Bible Fellowship yesterday a Couple gave their testimony. The wife spoke about how her life had so many points of redemption in it. Her life was characterized by redemption. I can completely relate to that, because I feel much the same way!! I've had many heartaches in my life, many disappointments, and many times of frustrations.. but those times have usually led to a season of redemption.

Over the years I've realized more and more that I have a true desire to please people and a true desire to represent perfection. These character traits have been so damaging to me as a person. Why? Because I often desire to please people more than please God. I will allow myself to be in bad situations over and over again, because I'm too reluctant to speak up for fear of hurting someone's feelings. The odd thing about this is that the people I'm around have no problem sharing with me what they think I "should" do, "should not" do, or need to be doing different. So I leave those situations feeling completely defeated, like a failure, and very unworthy.

Doesn't God expect more of us than this?? Yes, He absolutely does!! "The bible is full of examples of God asking people to 'leave behind' the people and lives that are not good for them. He asked the Israelites to leave Egypt to have a better life, but many of them kept looking back, holding on to what they thought was better. When Lot and his wife left Sodom, the warning was to not look back, yet she did, and turned to salt." -Boundaries

Nothing has changed in 2000+years. We are still called to leave unhealthy relationships. To leave unhealthy situations behind. To count ourselves as children of God and trust that He will lead the way ahead of us. This is super difficult for me, but I must do this. I know that as I learn boundaries more in my life.. Redemption will come in this as well! Will you pray for me? What about you... Do you have areas of your life that you need to set boundaries and trust in the Lord? Maybe we can keep eachother accountable!

More Summer Fun

We've had a very fun Summer.. Here are some more highlights of our last 1/2 of the Summer

 Summer Activities!!

Fun at the Park!

After a fun morning at The Bounce House!!

Hanging Together Outside & Playing in the Water Hose!

Tea Party in our PJ's (It's actually hot chocolate!)

    

Lydia lost her 2nd tooth!!

Our Last Trip to Splash Country for Summer 2012!!

Now, we are looking forward to Elijah's 4th Birthday in a couple of days!!

3 Weeks Post Miscarriage

Many people have been asking me how I'm doing at a little over 3 weeks past my miscarriage. I want to write and let you all know that I'm feeling SO much better! God has been so incredibly faithful to me in this.

My miscarriage happened on a Friday, after not feeling well on that Thursday. Over a week later, on Sunday, I was struggling. Physically & emotionally! My heart was SO heavy and I was buying into Satan's lies, "This won't get any better" and "You're all alone in how you feel" and other like lies. I was disheartened, weepy, and just exhausted from all of the emotions.

Andy had to work that Sunday morning. On my way home from church my dear friend & mentor called me and said she just felt like she needed to call me and see if I was okay. I broke down and told her, "I'm not doing well at all. I'm on the verge of depression.. I can feel it!" She encouraged me to go before the Lord and be with Him.

Through the process of miscarriage I never questioned God or asked, "Why me?" but I definitely felt a barrier between us. Normally, I read my bible every day and I pray alot throughout my day and I try to set aside specific time just for prayer, if I can. But during this time, I found it very hard to pray and very difficult to even open my bible. I had dragged myself to church on this particular Sunday (not my normal reponse!) and had I been a child I'm sure I would have been kicking & screaming.

I tell you though.. when I got off the phone with my dear friend I wept before the Lord, read through many Psalms & Proverbs, and begged the Lord for healing. I truly felt that if I could be healed of my physical pain which still consisted of unbearable pelvic pain & cramping then I could overcome the emotional pain of emptiness & depression.

God is so faithful!! I woke up Monday morning and for the first time in about 12 days.. I felt NORMAL!! Praise God for His answer to prayers and His faithfulness!!

For now, I don't know if the Lord will add to our family. I don't know when He will if He chooses to do so. I do know that He is my Father who loves me and has my best interest at heart. I know that if He chooses for us to add to our family, then we will. I will rejoice! However, if he chooses not to.. then I am ever grateful for my 2 beautiful blessings sent straight from Him! They are thoughtful, active, healthy, & loving! I am truly one blessed woman of God!

We are taught lessons in our lives. Whether it's for our good or for the comfort & love we receive from Him & others that we get to pass on to others in another "season".. we never understand these at the time. But one day, I'm sure I will get to minister to someone in a very special way that I would have otherwise had no idea how to! In all things, I pray that I bring Him glory & honor! I'm so thankful for the healing & restoration I have received.. only because I asked!

John 14:14 "If you ask anything in My name, then I will do it."

Following My Miscarriage

It's been 8 days past my miscarriage on Friday, July 27th. I just want to share an update with how I'm feeling. I must say this whole thing has really rocked my world...

Physically- I never realized the physical toll that miscarriage takes on one's body. Not many people talk about the affects of their miscarriage and it has been really eye opening to me what a body goes through. I'm still dealing with pain.. ligament, maybe? It feels similar to pregnancy round ligament pain.. you know on the sides of your pelvis in your lower abdomen?! It's definitely not bone pain (I know bone pain in the pelvis) it feels like ligament, tendon, or maybe muscle pain?! I have talked to a few people that say this is normal as your body returns to it's previous state. I am still dealing with waves of nausea, being tired, and food aversions/cravings too... I guess my hormones are still working their way back to normal as well.

Emotionally- I honestly feel like I'm slipping into a bit of a depression. I don't want to leave my house, unless I have to! I don't want to do anything.. I just want to sit and read or watch tv. I want to do nothing. Which is not conducive to this Homeschooling Mom of 2 who sells Pampered Chef!

I also struggle with "Maybe I didn't really miscarry... Maybe I'm still pregnant?" It's hard to keep myself in reality when  my body is still fighting itself back to normalcy. I am praying for peace each day and for strength!! I praise the Lord as so many people have surrounded me in prayers!! I know it's only from their prayers that I haven't slipped worse into depression.

I know that I can get pregnant again one day (if it's God's will) but I am still sad over my loss. I am tired of feeling physically like I've been hit by a truck. I wake up some mornings and think I've been hit by a semi. Other mornings I wake up and tell Andy I feel like I've been hit by a regular truck.. either way I don't normally wake up feeling well. Which I hate, because that's not the kind of person I am.

So for now.. I wait on the Lord for my strength, for my courage, for my comfort, for my healing. He is faithful and I know it's through Him only that I truly find healing and restoration. In the meantime, pray for my hubby, Andy, too.. I know I've not been easy to live with through this..