38 Weeks & Counting Down!

I sit here and write this.. feeling blessed, so very blessed.. and worn out at the same time! I am almost 39 weeks pregnant. Twelve weeks ago, this achievement of reaching 9 months pregnant seemed impossible. I was put on bedrest as my body was preparing for delivery at 27 weeks into my pregnancy. My body was wracked with constant Braxon-Hicks contractions & cramping. We prayed and sought the Lord and begged him to allow our baby Josiah to hang out much longer within the confines of my body. Yet, here I am 3 months from that time, and am actually praying, "Lord, let Josiah come today!" Isn't that funny & ironic?

One of the greatest things about our story is the fact that Lydia & Elijah have fervently prayed that Josiah wouldn't come early. For 3 months, 2-3 times daily, this has been the words that poured from their hearts during each prayer time we have had. How cool is that!?! They are 6 & 4 years old and God has heard their cries and answered their prayers! I LOVE that! I love that He hears all of our prayers.. even the ones of the young children!!

From the nerve pain I now experience in my pelvis, night-time insomnia, and terrible acid reflux.. I am very ready to evict the little life that takes residence in my body! I praise the Lord I don't have any swelling though.. I imagine that would be quite terrible!! I am thankful that God gives very pregnant women the nesting instinct, or else it would be nearly impossible to take care of my home & children. How great & thoughtful our Lord is that he even gives me these sleepless nights. It definitely prepares me for what's ahead with a newborn baby!! I texted my sister earlier and jokingly said, "I now know what Grandma must have felt like when she got run over by a reindeer." I feel very worn down, but from what I've read online.. this feeling of puniness, exhaustion, and overall icky feeling can be a precursor to labor! So I have my fingers crossed, hehe!

Josiah is measuring between 7.5-8 lbs and is very healthy! My body is dilating & effacing as I prepare for my VBAC birth and I am ecstatic to meet this little guy!! I praise God for his healthy weight and from all we can tell.. a healthy baby!! My body has never prepared for labor before. After 2.5 years of chiropractic care.. it is doing it and I can't tell you how happy this makes me!! The hospital wasn't very pleased when I explained to them my desire for a VBA2C, but thankfully my Doctor is on board, and I know we can do this!!! I anxiously await for the contractions to become consistent! I am walking as much as I can and drinking lots of red raspberry tea... and praying, lots of praying for him to come!!! hehe

Lydia & Elijah are so excited as we prepare to meet Josiah. They love talking to & hugging my belly and including Josiah in every thing we do. It's absolutely precious & warms my heart immensely. How sweet my children are!!

I know the nights will be long and I understand there will be a big transition that takes place in our home, but we are very excited as we become a family of 5. I've been fervently asking the Lord to prepare our hearts for this transition; making it smooth for all of us. I have been sharing with Lydia & Eli about the needs & cries of a newborn. To which, at this point, they are understanding and okay with! We will see how long that understanding truly lasts!! I know the day will be here soon in which Josiah makes his appearance, but I will selfishly admit that the days drag on forever as we anticipate his arrival!!

So, here's to hoping that this is my last post as a pregnant woman and my next post will be pictures of our sweet newborn son and my birth story!!

38 weeks pregnant

Father's Day

Father's Day is always bittersweet for me. Bitter because my dad hasn't always been there for me. Sweet because my husband is an awesome dad! I make a great effort to really celebrate Andy on Father's Day. He is so selfless and so loving to our children! He works hard all day and comes home to let them climb all over him & wrestle. He will read to them, play video games with them, or even play on the Slip n Slide with them!!

He has taken on so much since I was put on bedrest 8 weeks ago. He is doing the shopping, taking care of our home & our children, cooking when meals aren't provided for us, and taking me to all my Dr's appointments. I am SO thankful for this wonderful man that God has given me!! 

When I was growing up, my dad was alot of fun! Not big on discipline, but very attentive to our needs as young children. He took us to the pool almost daily in the Summertime, he took us to music lessons, we went on "Daddy Dates" where we would go to the bowling alley, batting cages, or the movie theatre. These almost always resorted in going to Sonic for cheesticks or Weigel's for Icee's too! Those days were fun!!!

After some marital problems, our parents divorced the Summer we turned 12. It was a very difficult time for us. Even though parents say you don't have to choose sides.. from the moment our dad moved out of our family home.. we would forever be choosing sides. Even now, at 28 years old.. we have to choose sides.

 Fast forward five years...I went through a very difficult time when I turned 17. My mom had just divorced again from an abusive husband. My dad was in the process of another divorce with a woman I dearly loved and thought of as another Mom. My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. I was dealing with way too much bullying at school which started with rumors & giggles from my twin sister. I felt cast aside.. and all alone. In fact, I planned to graduate high school early.. desperate to enter the "adult world" and escape the heartaches of childhood I was experiencing. 

It was at 17 that my dad threatened to disown me as his daughter which he stated would also mean removing me from his Will. Everything I did that he didn't "approve of" he would say, "And that's why your boyfriend broke up with you.." and other hurtful things such as this. I was quickly becoming bitter towards my father. Feeling so desperately alone and in a place of suicide. I (fortunately) couldn't bring myself to cause bodily harm. However, as I traveled a 2 lane road & 45 minute commute every day to school or work which was a major route for 18 wheeler trucks.. I would beg & plead with God. I would pray that one would lose control and hit my car allowing me to die. Every truck I passed the entire 45 minutes. With each one that safely passed I would break further into tears and ask God, "Why?" Why couldn't he just let me die?

I was almost 18 when I met Andy. In fact, our second date was for my 18th birthday. He was so quiet and had a peace about him. He was very comforting and listened to my heartaches. He held me tight as I cried more than once on his shoulder. He would pray with me and love me unconditionally.. in a way that was very foreign to me at the age of 17.. almost 18. It didn't take me long to feel as if this man was the one I would marry. Andy proposed to me 2 months later and we married 8 months after that. We just celebrated our 10th Anniversary! Has it always been easy? Absolutely not! There have been 2-3 times we could have easily called it quits! Have we grown up together? Most certainly! I was 18 & he was 21 when we married. We have truly grown together.. as people and in the Lord! Do I feel as if Andy rescued me out of my family situation? Absolutely, positively, without a doubt!! He showed me agape love.. when nobody else could! 

Now, more than 10 years later.. my dad and I have reconciled. He isn't the first person I call when I have good or bad news. However, I do call him 1-2 times a week. I've had to forgive him in more ways than one.. and even ask his forgiveness for being so bitter towards him. I've learned that just as a non-prosthetic amputee cannot run a marathon... my dad cannot always be the dad I wish he was. 

It's been a long road, but I can accept where God has brought me from and know that even though my dad isn't maybe what I wish I had in a father.. I have a Heavenly Father who LOVES & ADORES me! He considers me to be a masterpiece. Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."  I can rejoice, because my Father in Heaven also gave me a wonderful husband who dearly loves our children and I get to celebrate Andy and my Heavenly Father on Father's Day!

Psalm 103:13 "The Lord is like a Father to His children; tender & compassionate to all who fear Him."

34 Weeks.. Almost There!!

I have made it to 34 weeks!!

And after a scare of Josiah turning breech (below) at 31 weeks.. he is finally head down again!! Yay!

Last week, (33 weeks) I was told I had protein in my urine and was now considered pre-toxemic. I was put on even more strict bedrest and told that we *have* to get Josiah to 35 weeks (for his health & safety) and if my protein levels raise from 1 (where they were) to 5, then they would have to take him immediately to keep him & me out of danger. That was a scary appointment!!

I went back a few days later and praise God my levels hadn't risen!! 

Now, at 34 weeks, I went to my appt (I am going twice a week now for extra monitoring) and had no protein in my urine this time. Thank you Jesus!! I know it is the many, many prayers surrounding me during this pregnancy!!! I did find out that I have started dilating too. I told the PA that I'm not sure if dilating this early is a good thing or not, but I am a little giddy about it!! I never dilated with Lydia or Elijah and as I pray and hope for a VBAC with this pregnancy.. dilation is a good sign it will happen!!!

Lydia & Elijah have been so sweet & gracious to me throughout this bedrest process!! They help me and demand that I stay sitting at all times, ha! They have been such sweet & selfless children (most of the time!) haha!!

Lydia was so excited when their Mimi took them to get a toy! She got some colorful hair chalk!!

She has said for a very long time how much she wants pink hair!! She's so cute!!! 

After a difficult day I was really needing some quiet time. I sent Lydia & Elijah to watch TV in our bedroom. After a little while (and some nice quiet) Elijah comes out of our room like this!! He had raided my lipstick (of all things!!) Crazy boy!!! The funniest part of this picture is that the shirt he's wearing says, "Mommy's Little Tough Guy" !! LOL!

What God is Teaching Me on Bedrest

I sit here at my computer as the wind howls around me and a thunderstorm is in the midst. My Mother-in-Law has picked up my children to take them to their last official Awanas meeting at church and so I sit here in the quiet.. relishing it! No TV or radio.. just the sound of the keys beneath my fingers and the wind that whips through the trees in our yard.

I am 32 weeks pregnant now. I am still on bedrest, but my body is cooperating (finally)!! As long as I stay on bedrest, then there doesn't seem to be as high of a risk for him coming early like there was in the beginning. I praise the Lord for His faithfulness & that baby Josiah is doing so well & is healthy!! At a recent ultrasound we got to see him opening & closing his eyes. It was really neat to see! I will breathe a sigh of relief when he arrives and is healthy. For now, my body continues to contract & cramp and pain surrounds me. I am okay, but it's not a fun way to live when there's so many more fun things I could be doing right now instead of bedrest! hehe.

As I've had quite a bit of time to sit around and *think* about things.. My parenting skills have really been on my mind. When you have a strong-willed child and you're stuck on bedrest.. it can be a recipe for disaster as those boundary lines get pushed back further & further. But over the last 2 weeks.. God has really been giving me the sense to be more compassionate with both of my children. Right now, I have nowhere to be (except Dr's appointments) and I have no sense of urgency surrounding me. There are few deadlines I have to meet, and aside from the few people who come in to our home each day (to help us out) there is not even a sense of "time". My children, however, are stuck within the walls of our home (with the exception of outside to play when it isn't raining) and are quite bored by this new "lifestyle"!

My normal routine used to be very rushed & extremely busy! I had meetings, shows (as a Pampered Chef Consultant), play dates, homeschool days, church activities, doctor's appointments, household chores, and endless phone calls & texts! My day was hurried, had a purpose in all things, very structured, and very demanding. The biggest thing I have learned while being on bedrest is that I need to rest more in my every day life. I am more pleasant to be around and my children are no longer seen as a nuisance interrupting my day.. but a joyful asset to our family!

I enjoy the quiet times without them when friends/family take them on outings, but truthfully when they're not here.. I am really bored, ha! I am realizing that I became frustrated quicker & easier with them before bedrest than I do now. Praise the Lord for this time of reprieve to sit with them and snuggle while watching TV/movies or reading a book! Praise the Lord for the conversations we have, the pictures they color & show me, and for the flowers they bring to me from outside!!

So my question is.. are you enjoying your children? Life gets busy, and I get that! Life gets hard, and I completely understand! Parenting is not an easy job, and I am totally there with ya, Sister! But are we showering our children with Love or with the Law?

Love is patient & Love is kind! (1 Corinthians 13) The Laws of life only show us that we don't measure up! Even God doesn't deal with us in such a way.. He showers us with Love and leads us into the right direction. He knew we couldn't keep the Law and that's why He sent Jesus to us.. to save us from the Laws of Do's & Don't's. My heart has been pierced by this.. this very week!

Are we so consumed with what our children need to be doing in order to maintain our home, appearance, grades, activities, and life itself? Or are we showing them the Love of Jesus as we walk through this life together and embracing them as apart of our family for who they are? I know I so often have been in a place of trying to keep laws in order to have a cleaner home, better behavior, and have it "together" by outside appearances, but I will share something. Over the last couple of weeks as the Lord has spoken to my heart about my parenting.. and I've calmed down from the laws of what should or shouldn't be.. and allowed my children to be who they are (who GOD made them to be!) my life has gotten so much easier! My strong willed child is more compliant and more loving towards me. My shy and more quiet child feels like she can speak up and into things instead of fearing my reactions. Yes, that's painful to admit, but unfortunately it's true! Loving Jesus & Loving others.. that's what this life is all about , right?! Have you lost sight of that like I did?

God is faithful, Friends! I read a blog today about yelling at our children. I can completely identify with her!! The Important Thing About Yelling was the blog. It really penetrated my heart, because I've been there!!! Maybe this bedrest is what the Lord needed for me to go through in order to see the goodness of His mercy, His kindness, His Love, and His grace. He extends all of this to me.. who am I to not pass these sweet generosities on to my children?

What the Lord is Doing!

Here I sit at 29 weeks pregnant. I fight loneliness from being so isolated, but many friends text/call/email me throughout the day and that is definitely helpful. I look around at the "stuff" that needs to be put away, or the dishes undone in the sink, or the dust bunnies gathering in the corners and it makes me cringe.. just a little. I'm not an overtly neat person, but I do like order. I also hate dirty floors! But the Lord is teaching me to let those things go. For this unborn life inside me.. is of much more importance than dust bunnies!

At my appointment yesterday I was told I am not doing enough bed resting. My body has started cramping because of it now too.. in addition to the Braxton-Hicks that plague me the moment I stand up until the moment I return to sitting. My doctor is concerned that my uterus is being way too overworked for only 29 weeks pregnant. Thankfully, I am not dilating.. only the softening of my cervix is still apparent. She gave me medication to calm my uterus, told me more bedrest, and to stay hydrated. Above all.. she said I am to do absolutely nothing! I was warned that if my uterus hasn't calmed down by Thursday that I'm looking at Home Health having to come in for around the clock monitoring & the next step is hospitalization. I left her office in tears.

My children, being 6 & 4, are helpful but still need their Momma. They still want to eat breakfast & lunch or for me to get that coloring book that's put away on the top shelf that they can't reach. They still run out of toilet paper in the bathroom or want to be tucked in at naptime. It seems impossible to do absolutely nothing when you're already a Mom. I sent our prayer requests to friends & church family. Calls/Text/Emails began pouring in.. asking what they can do? Can they come make lunch for my kids? Can they pre-make lunches for them? Can they come & take them to the park or to the zoo for a day so I can rest?!

Andy came home from work with alot of questions I couldn't answer. He had talked with people he works with and they didn't understand my situation either. I told some friends who also had questions that I felt like I couldn't answer. Truth is.. I felt so overwhelmed at the office visit that I didn't ask too many questions. As I began trying to Google answers (and coming up with none, I might add) a friend brought dinner to us. She is a newer friend to us, but she sat down and started talking to me. She asked me how I was and something she said made me think to ask her profession. She told me she is a doctor! She practiced family medicine but did alot of her residency in OB care. So I shared with her my situation and asked for her insight. She was able to give me peace & understanding.. a 2nd opinion, if you will. She was a complete God-send to me at that moment when I needed peace!

After dinner, Andy went and got the mail. He brought me a letter addressed to either one of us. He let me open it. It had no name listed on it.. in fact the return address was our address. I opened the card and it said, "I hope this can help out your family a little bit" or something to that affect. No name & no signature. Then, I looked down at what had fallen out of the card & I literally began to weep...

You see, my doctor told me I had to cancel my Pampered Chef shows. I had to give one of them away and the others were turned into catalog parties. It's hard to get new parties off of catalog parties though! My business is suffering right now, big time. What I make in a paycheck covers our van payment and some other bills we pay each month. We were running low on funds BIG time. Unsure of how many of these bills would be paid... I clung to the fact that I knew God, my Redeemer, would rescue us & provide for us. As I looked at the check.. it's nearly the exact amount of what I would make in a month if I were doing my Pampered Chef business!! God had provided for us in a BIG way!!! I could do nothing more than weep with gratitude.

Several nights ago, while praying for God's hand to be upon us & help us.. He spoke to me to read the book of Habakkuk. This isn't necessarily a book I would sit down to intentionally read. It's a small book, and just not one you think of immediately when going to read the Bible. However, I heard Him clear as day tell me to read it. It was about midnight, so I pulled it up on my phone. And here are some verses that popped out at me!

Habakkuk 1:5 "Look around at the nations; look & be amazed! For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn't believe even if someone told you about it."

2:4 "Look at the proud! They trust in themselves, and their lives are crooked, but the righteous will live by their faithfulness to God."

3:2 "I have heard all about you, Lord. I am filled with awe by your amazing works. In this time of our deep need, help us again as you did in years gone by."

3:17-19 "Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation! The Sovereign Lord is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights."

How faithful & how good is our God!!!! He is surely to be praised for His faithfulness & His gracious hands upon us during this time!