Year End of 2011

I am sitting here on New Year's Eve of 2011. I started this blog about this time last year and many things have changed since then! Just in the amount of time since I've last blogged (September) many things have changed.

I am still dealing with my back & pelvis injury, but praise the Lord it is getting better! It was this time last year when I fell. To think my injury and pain has been ongoing for a year is baffling. However, this Spring I could barely walk and couldn't stand longer than 5 minutes. Now, I can stand for about 30-45 minutes and can walk a decent pace. I can't exercise like I was able to prior to my injury, but praise the Lord I am able to start doing some light walking and that's a start, right?! God has been so faithful through my fall. I have learned to let go of unrealistic expectations, to trust that my husband is capable of keeping our household going.. even if it isn't the way I want (he still does it well!), and to know that my children are very compassionate to others who are hurting because they have seen firsthand how I have struggled this year. God has been so good to me!

In October I began selling Pampered Chef! That's a big change for us, but it has honestly been fun and I have been able to replenish my kitchen with some great new things!! I LOVE to cook and come up with new recipes and try new things.. so it's been really fun to be in the kitchen so much... cooking for others and helping new friends shop for kitchen products! The best part is that I am getting paid really well for it too! The greatest gift that has come with this is that we weren't sure how we would pay for Christmas this year. Financially this year has been a bit difficult. Praise the Lord, as Pampered Chef was re-introduced to me and I began selling in October we were able to pay completely for our Christmas and not go into debt at all.. and have a nice Christmas too! God is so faithful-- even in the small things like providing Christmas for our family!

We served in a church plant this year and God taught us so much as we did this. I have learned to share Jesus with people more and to invite people to church more! We met many wonderful friends, grew closer with existing friends, and served eachother wholeheartedly! God had us there for a purpose. It may have been to help our friends who began the church, it may have been to help get the church started, and/or it may have been because God wanted to teach us something. Whatever the case may have been (and only He knows) we felt called to return to our former church. So as we begin 2012 it will be at our "home" church. I call it home, because I was saved (after many years of thinking I was saved and realizing I wasn't) at this church and I was baptized at this church! God has been faithful as we followed His will for us in ministry! We choose to serve Him and we have to go where He leads us in order to effectively & joyfully serve! I definitely learned that this year!

As 2012 begins I have many questions for what God will do this year. I am praying about many things for this year and I am curious to see what the Lord will do! I am excited as we begin the journey of a new year.. and prayerful that this year will hopefully be a better year. The year 2011 has been a difficult year, but it hasn't been without blessings & lessons learned.

Psalm 27:13-15 "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."

Blessings Etched Within My Heart

I am overjoyed at the love and faithfulness of my God! In order to explain to you how good my God is.. I first need to explain a little of the hardships we have endured. In December 2008, we had a 4 month old baby and a 2 year old girl. God spoke to me that December and told me (not audibly, but within my heart) that the upcoming year of 2009 would be a year of change. I didn't quite know what that meant, but I felt like He would take care of us. I shared this revelation with Andy. We both had a peace that God would care for us. Andy worked for Clayton Homes in their manufacturing plant. He hated working in such a place as this with vulgar words and sinful actions, but he will admit they paid well. They had paid well enough for me to be a strictly stay at home mom. Although we didn't have luxuries according to some standards we were able to comfortably pay our bills and enjoy the occasional date nights out! A huge blessing was the benefits and paid vacations of this employer. So, after his Christmas vacation he returned to work on January 2nd. It was about 2pm when Andy called me from work (not normal) and told me he was coming home. It didn't hit me until a few minutes later. He had been laid off. It didn't hit me til he returned home that we lost all benefits too with no severance package for health benefits. Our benefits ended THAT day! With a four month old baby & new 2 year old.. that was a little scary to me! Praise the Lord Andy found part-time work at Lifeway Christian Bookstore. It was 45 minutes away and only paid minimum wage, but it was a job. Gratefully, he was now in a job that he enjoyed, but money was more than 50% less what he was making. I started looking for work. I had a very difficult delivery with Eli Eben and was still in some pain. I knew that standing would be hard on my body. So, I called my aunt who hooked me up with a petsitter. She was gracious to work around my schedule for my kids and Andy's work. This provided for us for almost 2 years and along with some babysitting I did I was able to still be home with my kids the majority of the time. I look back on those days and honestly don't know how I did it! I will admit, it was exhausting! I will admit, I often woke up and prayed, "God, you say we can rest in you. Be my rest today. Take away my exhaustion and help me rest in you!" He was always so faithful in that!! About 2 years ago Andy decided to leave Lifeway because of the drive coupled with minimum wage the money just wasn't providing for us. Gas prices were soaring and our bank account dwindling. We were frugal. I had learned the art of couponing and I must admit this art has saved us MANY times!!  Then, Andy applied to Target and got on right away to work 3rd shift unloading trucks. He was told then that to give them a couple of months, he could cross train, and work full-time hours. His pay increase was significant (Target truly does take care of their employees) and it was less than a mile down the road from us! Now, here we are almost 2 years later. With the exception of extra Christmas hours Andy's hours were never increased. It has been difficult, but God has always provided for us. This week, Andy applied for a management position that promised 40 hours a week, guaranteed. We found out today that God granted this for us and I cannot tell you the joy we feel! The last 3 years haven't been easy. They have been full of turmoil, heartache, marital tension, hopelessness, and sometimes despair. However, through this we have learned of God's faithfulness, His sovereignty, His provision, and His love!  We have bills that were supposed to come out of our checking account (and there be no funds for them) be [surprisingly] delayed and not come out til the next payday! Andy's grandmother sadly passed away this year. We were absolutely blessed by her last gift to us which paid off our home. (I often do not share this information. It used to be embarrassing to me. I felt like we would be judged with, "Well! That must be nice!") But the truth is, it was nice. It was her last gift to us. It rendered us to be in a permanent home. We so easily could have lost our home and not had a place to live. So, I feel free to share this now, because it wasn't anything she did. It wasn't anything we did or in Andy's case-- being born in to. It was a total God thing! It was because of this that God has sustained us most of this year.)  I have shared about my major injury to my back/pelvis which has needed medical care, and God sent us to a wonderful Christian chiropractor. He and his wife have been so gracious with providing care to us for a low cost. I have friends who have given us hand me downs for our children to have clothing. I have coupon friends who we share tips/tricks and great deals with eachother. God has been SO faithful and we have truly grown spiritually and are so thankful that He loves us enough to provide for us over these last years! I am so proud of my husband for being such a hard worker when he works. It has been his dedication at work that landed him this position and I am so thankful that our finances are in a better place now. Hopefully, we can be a blessing to others now as much as they have been a blessing to us!  Someone said to me last night in small group, "Could you honestly say, you're glad that your husband was laid off?" Oh that caught me off guard. That's a hard thing to admit. But as I've pondered and considered this statement I think I can say, "Yes! I am glad!" Our marriage is strengthened, my faith is enormous because my God has NEVER failed me, and my knowledge of what truly matters is etched deep within my heart.   Matthew 6:25,30  “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you."

Bills, Bills, Bills

I have to tell of God's faithfulness to us this week! We struggle financially. We have since Elijah was 4 months old and Andy was laid off from his job. We have never quite recovered from his well paying job with great benefits. We both work now, cut corners where it's possible, and I coupon! Unless it's on sale or a great deal.. we don't buy it.

This week we had several bills coming out and we didn't have the money for it. We don't get paid til on Friday. On Monday, Andy was very concerned for the week ahead. We were on our way to Chuck E Cheese to celebrate our 3 year old & his birthday for the day! I have been reading a book by Elizabeth George called "Loving God With All Your Mind". In her book she explains about living in reality and trusting God with the rest. So, I told Andy what I've been learning. Right now, our reality is that we are going to Chuck E Cheese to celebrate Eli Eben's birthday! We are going to have a great time with him and celebrate him. Don't worry about the bills! He looked at me and sarcastically said, "Well, I'm glad you're so positive!" and I was able to respond back to him with great appreciation for our God and said, "I'm not, but I know that my God is!" He smiled and said, "Okay.. you're right. We will worry about it later." So, I asked him, "What will later do?" He said... you're right... Okay, Okay, Okay. He surrendered to what I had already surrendered to in my reality... God is in control... not me!

Andy works 2 jobs. On Wednesdays he gets paid for one of them. So our thoughts were... maybe if we can just make it til Wednesday, then hopefully we will be okay. Wednesday came and he got his check, but it was less than we expected. We were $30 short in our checking account for our bills to be paid. I told Andy... well, it will be what it will be. If we have an overdraft fee, then we do. God is in control. Thursday was the day that he figured the bills would come out and he waited anxiously. Do you know what happened? No bills came out!! Praise the Lord we got both got paid today (Friday) and have what we need to pay those bills.

It's amazing how God takes care of us even in the most mundane of things as paying bills. There are children in other countries (and here too) who are orphans, have little to no food, no clean drinking water. There are children who are abused, marriages that are breaking, etc. God is a big God who loves all of us, cares for all of us, and throughout everything in this world He has to take care of... it is exciting to know that He loves us enough to orchestrate when our bills get paid!!

Today, I am left humbled and so thankful!!

Elijah's 3rd Birthday!!

Create your own free slideshow

Lydia's Baptism

Yesterday (8/21/11) was the day for Lydia's appointed baptism. On May 13th she accepted Jesus to become the Lord of her life!! 


Leading up to yesterday's baptism Lydia was very unsure about the process. She doesn't like trying new things and she would tell me she was scared. She shared that she was afraid of getting her clothes wet, the water being too high, the water being too cold, the water getting in her eyes. These were all fears that we were able to talk through and problem solve.  


Our church is still small and we rent a building to hold our service. We don't have a baptismal and we borrowed a church with a baptismal for the afternoon so that Lydia could be baptized.  When we left our house Lydia was doing okay and had accepted the process of baptism and I could sense some excitement in her. 

We arrived at the church and she wasn't real happy that the baptismal had some rust in it and didn't appear clean. She doesn't like it when things are dirty. I assured her that I was going to take her down the steps and that I would hand her to Daddy (Andy got to baptize her!!) and she wouldn't have to touch anything but the water. She was getting nervous and it was obvious. I got her dressed in her gown and she liked it and thought it was funny, because it was so long. 


I held her as we started into the water. My feet hit the water and I knew we were in trouble.. the water was freezing!! I felt really bad for her and as soon as I handed her to Andy and she felt the water she began kind of whimpering. Andy assured her that it was okay and she had a death grip on him! When he went to baptize her he more or less had to go down with her, because she wouldn't let go. She came up nearly screaming and cried until the time I got her dressed back in her normal clothes. 

I love how Elijah is looking to make sure that she is okay!

I was very sad that her experience of baptism was so bad for her. It wasn't pleasant at all. She loves water. Although she was unsure of this new experience I really felt like she would enjoy it because she loves to be in the water. I really think if the water had been warmer, then she would have been okay. She didn't talk to us very much for a little while.


Then, last night I gave her a warm bath. I sat there with her and talked with her about her baptism today. She told me, "The water was so cold... brrr!" I asked her if she would do it again (just out of curiosity) and she quickly shouted, "No!"... then we giggled together about it. Through a friend's comforting words I explained to Lydia that sometimes being a Christian is hard. Sometimes we are scared to do things that God tells us to do like baptism. Sometimes when we do it we don't like it like going into freezing cold water. Sometimes it can be uncomfortable and even hurt. However, we are being obedient to Jesus. When we do what He asks us to do that makes God  happy and we can find joy in what we did. She (thankfully) understood this. I told her that none of us knew the water would be so cold and we were very sorry for that. Then, she went on playing in the warm bath water.


As she got out of the bathtub and I went to help her get dried off and dressed she said, "Mommy, why did they not turn the heater on in the water?" I told her I wasn't sure. Then she said, "Mommy, if the water was so cold, then why didn't we just go somewhere else?" I told her that was a good question and if any of us had known that, then we would have. Thankfully, she was okay now and happy that she had gotten baptized! 

God is faithful in all things... even when the water is freezing!!

Lydia's healing!

Many people know that my husband, Andy has a neurological condition which causes some involuntary movements in his neck/shoulders. In everyday life it isn't too noticeable. However, if he gets angry or is feeling nervous about something it shows a bit more prominently. I've always joked that I know I'm in trouble just by looking at him!! lol


Before we had children we were told that his neurological movements were the result of a birth defect after he was born and he needed to be revived. It was this lack of oxygen that supposedly caused the nervous disorder in which he has long suffered from.  We were happy to know it wasn't hereditary as we proceeded on our journey to start a family!


Our firstborn is our beautiful Lydia. As she neared age 3 we began noticing involuntary movements in her hands. This petrified me, but over and over God revealed His faithfulness. We went to a pediatric neurologist who ordered an MRI for her. They pinpointed the neurological issue to be in the cerebellum. The base of the brain-- right above the neck. We were told that Andy's condition has been misdiagnosed all these years, because Myoclonus (his original diagnosis) isn't hereditary. We were told that they would need genetical testing, but they didn't know where to begin. Then,  we were told that even if they find the reasoning for their issues, there is nothing we can do. There are no medications available right now that affect the cerebellum. Just so you know, we opted for no genetical testing. We put our trust in the Lord!


I was devastated. I never blamed Andy although he often blamed himself. It was one thing knowing that Andy had this as apart of his life. I met him as an adult. He had learned to deal with it and he was okay. It was a whole new experience to watch my child struggle with every day tasks: eating, drinking, writing, coloring, etc. She would cry and get frustrated. She'd ask why her hands wouldn't stop moving. I often had to excuse myself from the table to go lock myself in the bathroom to cry. It pulled my heartstrings and I didn't know how to deal with it. We got her some physical therapy which helped. I bought her weighted pencil grips and weighted utensils. These helped her, definitely! God would often bring other children to my mind who were struggling with life threatening illnesses and diseases. It made me realize, "Okay! Lydia moves... we can deal with this! I'm not telling her goodbye over this." That remained to be my sobering reality to get me through the mourning over her not being "perfect". Our motto for her became, "God made me special and I'm perfect in Him!" We repeated this daily and often times we repeated it many times a day!


It was with my fall in December that I endured a very damaged pelvis, hips, and a slipped disc in my spine that I met with a Chiropractor who has brought such healing to our family! He met Andy while explaining my xray and EMG results and was very intrigued with his movements. So he did Xrays and EMG's on the whole family. Andy ended up having severe scoliosis of the neck.. right under his cerebellum. Then he put Lydia's xrays up and what did she have? Severe scoliosis of the neck (very severe for a 4 year old, in fact) right below her cerebellum. We were AMAZED!!!


It took a while for Lydia to warm up to the fact that Dr. John was going to be tapping her neck with his instrument. It didn't hurt, but it made a loud popping noise which she didn't like! He told us that she was his most resistant patient to date, but thankfully she came around!! Last week, after about 14 weeks of seeing him 3 times a week we had more xrays. We got those results this week and were dumbfounded that Lydia's spine in her neck is completely aligned and straight! Praise the Lord! We've definitely noticed a decrease in her movements and Dr. John told us that it takes a while for the brain to retrain itself. He truly believes that with time Lydia's movements will more than likely go away and she will lead a normal, healthy life! I am praising the Lord for His faithfulness!!!


Our children really do belong to Him and I praise Him that He has brought healing to her spine which will in turn bring much healing to her whole body!!

Lydia & Cassie

(Side Note: Andy's spine continues to improve and he is noticing a decrease in his movements as well. I pray that his will eventually go away too. A child's bones are much more pliable than an adult's bones. It will take more time for Andy's spine to be aligned, but with God all things are possible and with time.. I know that Andy will also have healing!!)

Blessings & Thankfulness

I am currently reading through the book of Luke. Stories I have read many times throughout my childhood in church and in my daily devotionals and bible readings. It's funny how you can read things sometimes that don't affect you at all and then one day you read them and they hit you a bit like a ton of bricks!


The part that spoke to me was Luke 1: 11-14 & 18-20 

¹¹ Then an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing at the right side of the altar of incense. ¹² When Zechariah saw him, he was startled and was gripped with fear. ¹³ But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to call him John. 

 ¹⁸ Zechariah asked the angel, “How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years.”

 ¹⁹ The angel said to him, “I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news. ²⁰ And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their appointed time.”

Then I read Luke 1:30-32, 34, 38

³⁰ But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. ³¹ You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. ³² He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David

 ³⁴ “How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”

³⁸ “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.

This is what struck me! Zechariah was skeptical of God's plan for Him. He wondered, "How can this really happen?" And isn't that just like so many of us today? I know it's very much like me! Just as with this new church we are helping plant and Andy is the Associate Pastor of. There are so many times when I'm like, "Really? Really, God?" Even when we left the church we were in.. I thought, "Really God? This is really what you want??" I wasn't fully trusting God.. and I still struggle with that from time to time. But if you look at Zechariah's story.. and truly think about it. His wife had been barren for many years. They were heartbroken over no children and suddenly an angel comes to tell them that she is going to have a baby!! Think of the excitement! Think of the joy! I bet when they found out she was pregnant they wanted to shout it from the rooftops! But Zechariah didn't get that privilege. I know when I was pregnant I couldn't wait to tell people! I was so excited to get their hug & embrace, encouragement, love, and excitement with me over the new baby we would add to our family! Because of Zechariah's skeptic heart and non-trusting thoughts he lost out on a great, great privilege. In turn, he missed out on getting to share the joy of their pregnancy with others and receive their excitement.

Then you get to Mary who completely accepted what Gabriel had to say! She asked how it will happen, but she was never skeptical that it would happen! She trusted in Gabriel and she trusted that God would do what he said he would do. 

All of this really made me question in my own life. How many times am I skeptical toward God's will? How many times in my life do I forfeit blessings over my skepticism? How often do I not follow God's plan for my future and in turn cost myself much joy? 

Our God loves us! He would never want to take our blessings from us. It's so often our selfishness that costs us such joy! So, it's my new prayer that I will ask God to lead me and that I will trust where ever He takes me! I know He won't take me anywhere that I don't need to be. He has me where He wants me so that He can give me such blessings.... For that, I'm thankful!!

Grace & Mercy

God has been so faithful to me over these last few weeks! As He always is!! Some people have asked me if I'm suffering from depression, but my answer is most assuredly no.. I'm not suffering from depression, I'm suffering from life! I am writing my inner most thoughts throughout my blog, because (along with several friends) I believe that it's time to start being real and putting down the "face" society demands. If we can all start being real with eachother.. just think of the barriers and the walls that will be broken. It's so easy to look at someone else's situation and think it's wonderful because of the face they put on, however if you were to look behind their mask you may see deep hurt, anguish, or anger. I am completely & whole heartedly fighting to be real so that we, as women & mothers, can come together on more common ground and learn to lean on Jesus.. nobody else & no thing else!

In the last 2 weeks Sears has hired more people, but before that I was working 25 hours a week. It doesn't seem like much, but it is when you have so many other things going on too! Like, I'm also getting ready to begin a 2nd job that is work from home, so I've been in the processes of that. I am dealing with being essentially apart of 2 churches. My former church we were still very involved in on Wednesday nights and some other programs that they hold there, like MOPs. These things are now over with for the Summer. Our current church is where Andy is the Associate Pastor. I help teach children's church, keep the nursery, help with music, hospitality, and I am the church clerk.  I'm homeschooling Lydia for preschool every chance I get. Plus, I want to have some fun too and try to plan outings for Lydia & Elijah. Not to mention, I'm still dealing with my pelvis/back injury to which I am at the doctor 3 times a week still. It's getting better, but my pain is still with me. Thankfully, the pain has lessened tremendously from what it was.  Okay, then there's duties like making dinner every night, keeping my home clean, doing the laundry, cutting out and organizing coupons and making a grocery list. Andy has been very crucial to me since my injury in helping me with the home.. I'm very thankful for him!!  

VBS is this week at our former church. I wanted to be apart of it SO much, but I just didn't think it was feasible with working so much and with my injury. It makes me sad though. I'm trying very hard this Summer and into the Fall to stop over committing myself.  I must admit, I'm notorious for that. Not because I hate to say no to people, but because I love to say yes! I love volunteering, helping, serving, and being apart of things. I often joke that there's so much I want to do, and work just gets in my way! However, I must step back and admit that I do like my job! I love the people I work with and going to work isn't always easy. Although, once I get there I always enjoy it. I don't necessarily like all of the politics involved, but the job itself and the people I am with throughout my shifts are enjoyable. This is truly a blessing!

So, as I'm trying to sift through my life and pick and choose between my wants and my needs.. I am trying to make wise and more constructive choices. For the Summer, I want to enjoy as much of it as possible with my children. I can't do alot right now because of my injury, but I want to do what I can! The Fall will come again soon and I will pick many things back up, but hopefully my restful Summer will help me! haha.  

I am reading through the book of Matthew right now. I came across this verse. Matthew 18:10 "Beware that you don't look down on any of these little ones. For I tell you that in Heaven their angels are always in the presence of my Heavenly Father."  I think someone could easily skip over this verse, but as I read it several days ago.. it has spoken to me many times since.  We are the little ones. The ones that Christ has called unto Himself just like a parent calls a child. He assures us that we have angels who watch over us and who are with us. That's very comforting to me. You hear of spiritual warfare and that the angels are constantly in battle, but how reassuring to know that these angels are truly with me and guarding me. They are ALWAYS in the presence of my Heavenly Father. What an honor to be constantly before the King. In that era, to be before the king was an honor, a privilege that many longed to have. How exciting to know that my angels are sitting before My King and being surrounded with His love, affection, justice, and mercy! This is very exciting to me!!  

So, as I am trying to enjoy my family more and just BE in the presence of the King.. I take joy in knowing that He is with me always, His angels are with me always, and I am surrounded in love and grace because of that!

Blessings

Wow! To say I'm overwhelmed by God's grace and mercy tonight, would be an absolute understatement! I had to work today at Sears. Which meant that I would have to miss going to church. I, thankfully, don't have to work too often on Sundays, but am always disappointed when I do have to.  

This morning, I had an extra hour to myself before going to work. So I sat down and started reading the last book of the Old Testament: Malachi. It talks about how God's people weren't giving their best.. they were giving their left overs to him for their sacrafices. They were giving blind and lame animals. They were stealing from others and presenting those things as their offerings; instead of their own blessings. This really made me think about how often I don't trust God to give it my all.. knowing that He will bless me for being obedient. It made me think about how I don't give my best to him, but He gave His BEST to me: His Son! He gave His Son to me so that I could receive eternal life in Heaven. How selfish am I to not offer Him my best or to not trust Him with my "problems" or with my possessions, knowing that He is the One who is the Creator of it all!? Then, I got to have such a sweet prayer time. Praying for wisdom, guidance, strength, comfort. Praying for my children to receive wisdom.. for me to be a parent who entrusts my children back to Him.. just as Hannah gave Samuel back to the Lord. I want my children to grow up and be strong followers of Jesus in this wicked world. I pray that I will be a mother who does nothing to inhibit God's growth in their lives.

Today was a physically painful day for me at work. I think I must have stood too much yesterday (or something) because my pelvis was really hurting last night and today. I thought this day would never end. I had fun with my coworkers, but it was  a slow day and I kept praying that maybe the clock had just broken... since it had only moved 3 minutes since I had last looked at it (what seemed like 30-45 minutes ago!) LoL! But nope.. several people confirmed that the clock was indeed working just fine! haha.  

I came home and made some dinner and then after I had my pj's on and my contacts out, my sweet friend called me and asked if we could go out for dessert after we each put our kiddos to bed. So, I wholedheartedly agreed that it would be a fantastic idea! As I ate my dinner (my family had already eaten) I sat on the couch and got on FB. I haven't been (truly) on in a while. A high school friend who I don't talk with very often emailed me the other day and told me that God had laid me on her heart and she was praying for me. This meant so much to me and I was so grateful for this! Then, as I was on this evening, a different friend popped up in my chat and said she doesn't know why but I am strongly on her heart and she's praying for me. Then, I post how overwhelmed I am that these 2 friends who knew nothing of what is going on in my life are praying for me. My, how my God loves me. Then 2 more friends acknowledge they have felt the same way! WoW! Talk about this spiritual warfare thing and how God is providing such prayer warriors for me... I am astounded.... and grateful!

  Then, I spent some time with my children and put them to bed and went and got dressed to go back out again. I was tired and felt like when I blinked that opening my eyes back up was a real chore. However, my dear friend was very gracious to listen to my babbling as I constantly kept losing my train of thought! haha. Oh, how I needed her friendship tonight! We talked about our walks with Jesus, our marriages, motherhood while working, our friendship, our church, our desires for the future, and many other things! It was such a blessing! We shared with with each other many struggles we've had this week. Then, we decided to go home. So, I got in to my car and had to stifle a laugh at the song that was playing on the radio! I don't know if you've heard it not, but it truly blessed me! Because I know that I serve a big God who has great plans and I know that He is showing many blessings in disguise right now! Below is the url for the video and music to the song I heard playing on my radio. The part that I heard as soon as the car started? "What if your blessings come in raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears?" Ironic? Nope, I think it was totally a God thing!

You Tube Video: Blessings

  

Broken..

It has been a while since I last posted. As I sit here and think about since the last time I blogged, so many painful memories come to mind. Although, I know that God orchestrates all things to refine me, heal me, and encourage me to help others. I sit here, with a cup of hot chocolate, and a quiet house. Thankfully, Andy took our kiddos to look around Target. I am in desperate need of some quiet time alone today. I am praying for God to give me words to put all of this out on "paper" and to speak my heart. Somebody may need it, I'm not sure.

This morning, we had an amazing speaker at my MOPs group I attend. It is our last meeting of the semester and is always such a sweet time together. Kathy Tarr was our speaker. She's the founder of Fully Alive Ministries and she was dynamic! As she spoke about growing up in a broken home I fully identified with her. (I fully identified with her on nearly everything she spoke about.) I will admit, her broken home seems like it was so much worse than the brokenness I was in.  However, the emotion she shared.. I have felt before. As she described the ways she cried out to God as a child.. it was all I could do to hold back my tears. Those emotions she felt were very raw to me.. I have felt those emotions too. I held back my tears with all of my might. I was truly afraid that if I let that dam break, I may not be able to withhold it. 

See lately, things haven't been going the way I've wanted them to. (Do they ever!? lol) I work 20-25 hours a week, have an injured back & pelvis (which keeps me from doing much around the house or having much fun with my children!), our finances are pitiful, and my heart is struggling with friendships that I'm afraid that I'm losing (because of the place I am in life now) and don't want to give up. For the last few weeks, we have struggled maritally (praise the Lord that's much better now) and emotioally, I've struggled with depression. I feel a sadness that I'm not sure where it's from.. I think it's from all of these changes in my life and I don't know where they're taking me.

I grew up in a home that was full of uncertainties. Would my parents divorce? Would I get yelled at today? At school-- would I get bullied or be the butt of another of my sister's jokes? Later it became: Would my step dad have to come home this weekend.. where everything I did was critiqued and yelled at? Would my parents fight over child support money again.. in places that we could hear? The list could go on forever. I had many uncertainties as a child. Today, my uncertainties are different. However, the "unknowns" in life still dare to frighten me. 

Our speaker today touched on so many areas of her life. She had some very uncertain moments in her life. She was very clear to tell us, "We can't do it"-- without God! "We are broken!" -- without God! He is the author of ALL things and He works ALL things to our good and His glory! What a blessing that is!! I often feel like the worst mother ever. I often have guilt from having to work so much. I often feel very alone. But God is on the Throne... and He is watching over me, holding me, comforting me, strengthening me!  I am not alone! I have Jesus Christ there and He is my Sustainer and my Healer! 

I came home and opened up my bible. I am in the book of Zechariah and Zechariah 10:1 says, "Ask the Lord for rain in the springtime; it is the Lord who makes the storm clouds. He gives showers of rain to men and plants of the field to everyone." Then verse 12 says, "I will strengthen them in the Lord and in His name they will walk, declares the Lord."

My God is a mighty God and I am so thankful to know that if I am struggling I can ask for His angels to come lift me up and they will do it. If I am feeling lonely, I can ask for comfort and He will give it. He told Zechariah that if we need something we can come to Him.. afterall it is He who is the Creator of all! I find joy in knowing that today!

It's hard for me to share my heart. It makes me feel exposed and when I get real with who I truly am, my ideas of perfection are shattered. However, I am tired of trying to show perfection. I think it's our imperfections that drive us closer together as women and as sisters in Christ. I think we all need to lay down the ideas of perfection and bare ourselves a bit exposed. Because, we can't make it and we are broken... all without Jesus Christ!

My verse for the year is fitting for such a time as this, 
Isaiah 61:10 "I delight greatly in our Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For He has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness." 

Easter Sunday

As Easter approached last week I was so excited to celebrate Jesus! Lydia is 4 and is old enough to start learning and understanding the excitement surrounding Easter. Elijah, being 2, was excited at everything going on too and understood that Jesus died on the cross. It was a sweet time!

I have to say that I also struggled last week for the time of leading up to Easter. It may seem silly, really. Last year I was in the choir at Sevier Heights. A choir of over 300 people who truly worship and love the Lord! I felt sad and was brought to tears many times throughout the week at the thought of missing Easter Sunday at Sevier Heights. Mostly, I was sad to miss out on being apart of the Celebration Choir as they worshiped our risen King! My heart ached and longed to be apart of that!

On Monday, Rachel (our Pastor's wife), called me up and asked me to help her and someone else sing for Easter. So, I agreed, and we had a nice time singing and praising the Lord in our special song for Easter! Rachel and Kathy also sang in the Celebration Choir and we understand eachother's sadness in this area of our lives. However, we also know that we serve a faithful God  who has called us to obey... and obeying is what we're doing!

So many people in the bible were called to obey without understanding. Noah was called to obey by building the ark. Moses was called to obey when he was told to lead the Israelites and he felt so inadequate in that "calling". Abraham was called to obey God by sacrificing his son, Isaac. Praise God that because of His obedience, God stopped him before he did have to sacrificed Isaac. Paul was told to spread God's word around the world with great persecution. All of these men (& families) did things that weren't easy to do, but because they followed God and obeyed Him.. God's kingdom was multiplied and blessings were given to these men.

I am trusting that God has called us to this and I am knowing that He won't leave us. He knows my sadness. He understands how hard these things can be. I prayed for God to sustain me on Easter Sunday and fulfill me where I felt empty. You know what? He did just that!! It was a beautiful service! I don't know how we sounded to the congregation on Sunday, but I know that we did our best and we did it to the glory of God and for that.. He was honored! Truly, we do serve a faithful God!

Outdoor Service! First Easter for Foothills Baptist Church!

April Goings-On!

Last week at our church plant, Foothills Baptist Church, we did a children's dedication! Most of us had dedicated our children at previous churches, but felt compelled to dedicate our children to this new church we've begun! We want to dedicate our children to our God and trust that Foothills Baptist Church will gather together and support our children and help us to raise them in the Lord!

 

 ~*~*~*~*~

This weekend was Easter and we had alot of fun celebrating Easter and our Risen King!!!

 We died Easter Eggs, made Empty Tomb Bread, and had an Easter Egg Hunt!

The Before Picture!

Lydia loved dyeing eggs!

Her fingers turned pink from dipping her eggs in by hand!

Elijah dipped his whole hand in while dyeing his eggs!

This was his hands when he finished!

Here is the after picture! Eli liked busting the eggs open to eat the yolk after he would dye them causing quite a bit of messy fun!

And... here is their Easter baskets! They were so excited to get them!

I am feeling truly blessed by what God has given me! I'm still dealing with my back and pelvis injury. It's been quite painful and a much longer process than I ever expected. However, through it.. many blessings have come! I have found why I had so much difficulty giving birth to my children, my husband is receiving help for his neurological disorder, and our daughter is receiving the same help for some movements she is having... all because of my fall on the ice in December. Throughout this process, it's been difficult for me to do much housework or much with our children. Bending/Twisting, standing for longer than 15-20 minutes, or sitting in the same position for very long.. all create extreme pain. My husband, Andy, has been WONDERFUL and an absolute blessing to be working at his job, at our church, taking care of our home, and doing so much for our children! How thankful I am for the blessing he is in my life and for what God has given me in a husband! 

John 1:16 "From his abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another."

Refinement

My last few days have been a conglomeration of struggles! Physically, Emotionally, & Spiritually! Then, this morning.. as I feel to be at the end of my rope I run across the blog post of one of my friends. Her Blog!  She spoke in her blog just recently about Daniel along with Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego and their fiery furnace experience! ( Read Bible Story Here ) I just read through Daniel last week and remembered what meaning this story had to me last week.. and she really expounded on that too!

Financially, we are struggling. I was so excited when Andy went to interview for Denso yesterday. Only to find out that they didn't have any positions available, but would add him to their file of "possible employees". I had my hopes up! I had figured it all out financially and it was going to be a real blessing! We would be able to get the things we needed... and things we wanted too! I was thrilled.. I prayed with Andy before he went and I felt such peace that he would get the position! When he came home and gave me the "it's not going to happen... not for right now, anyway" I was quite devastated. 

After getting myself better together, I called and shared with my mentor. She told me, "We all go through trials. My trials are different than your trials. Right now you're in a money trial. But, if he'd gotten this position.. there would have been a new trial to go through." I knew exactly what the trial would have been. Right now Andy is part time. I get to see him alot and spend time with him. Along with my injuries from my back keeping me from being able to do much.. he has been invaluable to me. My new trial would have been not seeing him very much... our work schedules were probably going to coincide. I knew it would be a big adjustment. My mentor reminded me, "We all get refined. Sometimes, we just go through periods of being tired of being refined." That's where I am, I think. Except.. God's not there with me! lol.  He tells me in the bible He loves us too much to leave us the way we are. Well, he loves me alot (I know He does) because He's refining me alot lately! haha.

So, in thinking about my friend's blog post this morning about the story in Daniel with S, M, and A... I wonder if they ever asked, "God? Exactly.. how long do you think this is going to take? Because I have stuff to do!" I don't know.. maybe they did. I tend to think they just relaxed and enjoyed the site.. enjoyed the "refining" because they knew that out of this refinement.. God was going to give them an amazing story, an amazing testimony, and they would come out  of the fiery furnace better than ever! They would be able to proclaim just how great & awesome our God is!

I am still in quite a bit of physical pain, which is wearing on me. People I love seem to think it's okay to tell me whatever they think about me or my life without any regard to my feelings from their comments. Their words pierce me and often paralyze me. I am learning to stand up. I am trying to set boundaries... I admit, it's not easy and I need to get strong enough in myself and in my God to do this! God is bringing me through these fires to make me a better person... He created me uniquely and with a purpose. However, His purpose for me, comes out of His refinement of me. 

Zechariah 13:9 "I will refine them as silver is refined and test them as gold is tested. They will call on My name, and I will answer them. I will say: They are My people, and they will say: The LORD is our God."

Sarah

Since we moved in to our new house in October last year (2010) my family has been wanting a dog. Andy and I both grew up with dogs. We had dogs when we first got married and when Lydia was born and began antagonizing them they didn't like it and they started growling at her, snapping at her, and eventually one of them bit her. We found wonderful new homes for them and haven't had any animals since. I have to be honest... I've enjoyed not having someone else to care for. However, I have constantly been reminded how much "the kids" would love having a dog.. says Andy! haha

I began thinking a few days ago about a dog, however. The weather was pretty and our children do love playing outside so much! This got me thinking, this time of year would be an easy time to house train a new pet. So, today, when my aunt posted on FB about a fundraiser for pets with adoptable dogs, we decided to go take a look! This is when we found Ocito. She is a young Jack Russell Mixed dog and is very sweet, calm, and very quiet! We really liked her! 

My Back Experience

Well, I've posted on FB many times about slipping on ice last December. Our front porch steps were solid ice and I slipped and fell down them. I was in alot of pain for a couple of weeks and have felt a little tender since. However, this Saturday I started feeling some terrible pain in my hip region. The same area from when I fell 4 months ago. By Sunday, I was in TERRIBLE pain and Monday was even worse. 

Just through talking with people over the last few months, many friends have told me about Dr. Jon Edwards. He's a chiropractor and many people have shared their testimonies with me about how he helped them. On Sunday, a friend heard me talking about my hip pain and suggested I go see Dr Edwards too! So, I really feel like the Lord led me to his practice. I went yesterday for an EMG and X-rays. Today, I went back for the suggested treatment plan and my first adjustment.

Interestingly enough, it's not my hip. It's my pelvis! My pelvis is rotated and one side of my pelvis is protruding forward quite a bit while the other is further back. My left hip (the area of pain) is 15 mm lower than my right hip (considered at the normal height). My spine is way out of line and needless to say I have severe nerve compression in my lower back where my pain is from.

It truly is amazing how God created our bodies to work together. He explained that my rotated pelvis has probably been this way for a while but my fall made it worse. Dr. Edwards thinks this is why I had so much trouble having my children. They were c-sections, but brutal c-sections may be considered an understatement. My body underwent "major trauma" (in my ob's words) in order to get my children out of my body. So, I'm a little excited to think that if I decide to have another baby it may be alot easier next time since my pelvis will be in the right place!

Needless to say, I'm in a lot of pain right now. Cannot stand for more than 20 minutes (that might even be pushing it!) and will not be able to exercise again for 3 weeks (very sad to me!) In the meantime, I am thankful to have found a bible believing, Christian, doctor who is willing to work with me to get my body healthy! 

Lydia thinks I might need a wheelchair and Elijah doesn't know why I keep having to go to the doctor, but truly my family has been wonderful and especially Andy has been great as he is having to wait on me alot right now. I praise God for them! I'm thankful for God's provision in this and that I didn't break anything and that relief is around the corner!

I refuse

I have been in spiritual warfare for about the last month. For anyone who has ever been in spiritual warfare.. it's exhausting, painful to your heart, and an arduous journey.

 

I have tried to hide from it, I have tried to escape it, and I have tried to act like nothing's wrong. But the fact is, a big thing is wrong! By doing this, I am allowing sin in my life. I am not trusting in God or relying on God.  I have been reluctant to stand up for myself, and I have avoiding it by telling myself that, "I don't know how" or "I'm not sure what to do".  However, as these revelations came to me today I decided, "I refuse to allow such sin in my life!"

 

It is robbing me of my joy.. and isn't that what satan wants? To steal, kill, and destroy me?  Well, over these last few weeks.. I think that's what I've been allowing him to do. I have been somewhat paralyzed with fear. But now, I am going to put on my full armor of God!

 

Ephesians 6:11-17 "Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."

 

 

So, as I was riding in my car this morning... this song came on, "I Refuse" by Josh Wilson. While, I must admit that this song is actually referring to helping others and no longer looking at everyone as if they're okay, but truly seeing them as people with "a story"... the Lord spoke to me in a different way through this song! I am going to refuse for satan to win this battle. I am going to refuse to stand around when God has called me and equipped me to stand strong in Him, for who He created me to be and for my family!    Here are the words that spoke to me the most!

 

Sometimes I,
I just want to close my eyes
And act like everyone's alright
When I know they're not.
This world needs God
But it's easier to stand and watch.
I could say a prayer and just move on
Like nothing's wrong.

But I refuse. 

‘Cause I don't want to live like I don't care.
I don't want to say another empty prayer.
Oh, I refuse to
Sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself.
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuse. 

       ..................

To turn my back
And try and act like all is well.
I refuse
To stay unchanged,
To wait another day,
To die to myself.
I refuse
To make one more excuse. 

So here I am! I refuse to allow satan to enter my life by any means. He cannot prey upon my fears or any attempt to keep me in darkness. I am a daughter of the King! That is my statement throughout this and I will stand tall and courageous, because if David can slay a giant, then I can rest assured my God will not leave me!!  Pray for me, will you?! *wink*

This is kind of a long post, but hey... it's been a while since I blogged!!  Thanks for reading this part of my journey!