Clothed with Strength & Dignity

I've blogged a couple of times already about what God is teaching me in terms of boundaries in my life. A few weeks ago (I'm a bit late in my blogging!) God truly spoke to me through a story in 1 Kings about Bathsheba & King Solomon. Wow-- people think the Old Testament is boring? Friends, it truly is FULL of wisdom and abundant in God's truths! The more of the Old Testament that I read the more I am drawn to it! It's incredible how the Lord works... at the exact time that I needed to hear God's truths about boundaries He had me in 1 Kings 2.

So this is what happened:

2 Kings 2:13-17

¹³ One day Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith, came to see Bathsheba, Solomon’s mother. “Have you come with peaceful intentions?” she asked him.

“Yes,” he said, “I come in peace. ¹⁴ In fact, I have a favor to ask of you.”

“What is it?” she asked.

¹⁵ He replied, “As you know, the kingdom was rightfully mine; all Israel wanted me to be the next king. But the tables were turned, and the kingdom went to my brother [Solomon, whose mother was Bathsheba*] instead; for that is the way the Lord wanted it. ¹⁶ So now I have just one favor to ask of you. Please don’t turn me down.”

“What is it?” she asked.

¹⁷ He replied, “Speak to King Solomon on my behalf, for I know he will do anything you request. Ask him to let me marry Abishag, the girl from Shunem.”

*added for further explanation

Let me create a side note here to explain that in 1 Kings 1 David was very old and very cold. They brought in a virgin girl to be with him. Their relationship was never consummated, although she was considered a concubine. She only waited on him and laid with him to keep him warm. Her name was Abishag, the girl that Adonijah wanted to marry.

So Bathsheba appeared before King Solomon requesting a favor... 

1 Kings 2:21-24

²¹ “Then let your brother Adonijah marry Abishag, the girl from Shunem,” she replied.
²² “How can you possibly ask me to give Abishag to Adonijah?” King Solomon demanded. “You might as well ask me to give him the kingdom! You know that he is my older brother, and that he has Abiathar the priest and Joab son of Zeruiah on his side.”
²³ Then King Solomon made a vow before the Lord: “May God strike me and even kill me if Adonijah has not sealed his fate with this request. ²⁴ The Lord has confirmed me and placed me on the throne of my father, David; he has established my dynasty as he promised. So as surely as the Lord lives, Adonijah will die this very day!”

As you read this you might be thinking Solomon is a little over zealous in his words & actions, right? I thought, "Wow! That seems a bit harsh!"

At first things may seem harsh on the front end. People may think we (as boundary setters) are being ridiculous, unreasonable, or maybe self-serving. I've been told "That's not very Christian of you" or ".. And you call yourself a Christian" or "Maybe you should pray about that before you follow through with it, because what is God telling you to do?"  More on this in a minute..

Then, I decided to delve a bit further into this by reading a commentary on these scriptures! After reading the commentary, I realized in those days when a king dies.. the new reigning king will inherit everything from the former king.. including all wives & concubines. So, now it stands to reason that since Adonijah came before Bathsheba asking for one of David's concubines (Adonijah) that he was trying to manipulate his brother. He wanted what he considered to be his: the throne! 

1 Kings 1:7  tells us that Adonijah had Joab's military and Abiathar, the priest, supporting his own claim to the throne. So if he got one of his Father's concubines then that would strengthen his claim with the people to be made king.

So, even though he was able to trick Bathesheba into thinking he deserved Abishag, nothing slipped past Solomon!! Adonijah's greedy, sneaky, & self-serving behavior led him straight into execution. 

So just as in 1 Kings 3 Solomon asks the Lord for wisdom.. I am now asking the Lord for discernment. I don't want to be so easily manipulated or deceived like Bathsheba was.

I am often put into situations where I feel overwhelmed and uncertain how to react when my boundaries are tested. I want to be more firm in my boundaries like King Solomon was. Because, having boundaries isn't ungodly or unchristian.. it is exactly the opposite! When my boundaries are tested and I allow others to trample my boundaries, then my emotional well-being is rocked. In order for my faith to remain strong, my God-seeking desires to remain firm, and my emotional well-being remain unshaken then I must set boundaries for myself (and my family!)  

My biggest concern for boundary setting is 2 things!

1) I will disappoint/hurt the other person

2) I will experience rejection from said person

**Even tho allowing others to trample my boundary may hurt me or cause me harm, I've often set those feelings aside to please the other person. Sadly, it often seems that other person, undoubtedly, has no regard to my feelings in the matter.**

But the Lord tells me that in Proverbs 31:25 that I am clothed in strength and dignity. So if this is the truth and God only speaks truth (John 3:33) then I must believe that I should be more concerned with my boundaries. I am able to love myself in this way, because God first loved me (1 John 4:19). I desire to allow myself the grace & courage I need, so that I have the strength & dignity He has clothed me in!

How about you? Maybe you need to make this a priority in your own life too.. We can pray together for God to give us wisdom & discernment with our boundary setting. Through such prayers, we will no longer see ourselves as others see us, but see ourselves the way God created us to be as women: clothed with strength & dignity! (Prov 31:25)

Proverbs 31:25 "She is clothed with strength and dignity; 

and she laughs without fear of the future."

Still Learning Boundaries

In Bible Fellowship yesterday a Couple gave their testimony. The wife spoke about how her life had so many points of redemption in it. Her life was characterized by redemption. I can completely relate to that, because I feel much the same way!! I've had many heartaches in my life, many disappointments, and many times of frustrations.. but those times have usually led to a season of redemption.

Over the years I've realized more and more that I have a true desire to please people and a true desire to represent perfection. These character traits have been so damaging to me as a person. Why? Because I often desire to please people more than please God. I will allow myself to be in bad situations over and over again, because I'm too reluctant to speak up for fear of hurting someone's feelings. The odd thing about this is that the people I'm around have no problem sharing with me what they think I "should" do, "should not" do, or need to be doing different. So I leave those situations feeling completely defeated, like a failure, and very unworthy.

Doesn't God expect more of us than this?? Yes, He absolutely does!! "The bible is full of examples of God asking people to 'leave behind' the people and lives that are not good for them. He asked the Israelites to leave Egypt to have a better life, but many of them kept looking back, holding on to what they thought was better. When Lot and his wife left Sodom, the warning was to not look back, yet she did, and turned to salt." -Boundaries

Nothing has changed in 2000+years. We are still called to leave unhealthy relationships. To leave unhealthy situations behind. To count ourselves as children of God and trust that He will lead the way ahead of us. This is super difficult for me, but I must do this. I know that as I learn boundaries more in my life.. Redemption will come in this as well! Will you pray for me? What about you... Do you have areas of your life that you need to set boundaries and trust in the Lord? Maybe we can keep eachother accountable!

More Summer Fun

We've had a very fun Summer.. Here are some more highlights of our last 1/2 of the Summer

 Summer Activities!!

Fun at the Park!

After a fun morning at The Bounce House!!

Hanging Together Outside & Playing in the Water Hose!

Tea Party in our PJ's (It's actually hot chocolate!)

    

Lydia lost her 2nd tooth!!

Our Last Trip to Splash Country for Summer 2012!!

Now, we are looking forward to Elijah's 4th Birthday in a couple of days!!

3 Weeks Post Miscarriage

Many people have been asking me how I'm doing at a little over 3 weeks past my miscarriage. I want to write and let you all know that I'm feeling SO much better! God has been so incredibly faithful to me in this.

My miscarriage happened on a Friday, after not feeling well on that Thursday. Over a week later, on Sunday, I was struggling. Physically & emotionally! My heart was SO heavy and I was buying into Satan's lies, "This won't get any better" and "You're all alone in how you feel" and other like lies. I was disheartened, weepy, and just exhausted from all of the emotions.

Andy had to work that Sunday morning. On my way home from church my dear friend & mentor called me and said she just felt like she needed to call me and see if I was okay. I broke down and told her, "I'm not doing well at all. I'm on the verge of depression.. I can feel it!" She encouraged me to go before the Lord and be with Him.

Through the process of miscarriage I never questioned God or asked, "Why me?" but I definitely felt a barrier between us. Normally, I read my bible every day and I pray alot throughout my day and I try to set aside specific time just for prayer, if I can. But during this time, I found it very hard to pray and very difficult to even open my bible. I had dragged myself to church on this particular Sunday (not my normal reponse!) and had I been a child I'm sure I would have been kicking & screaming.

I tell you though.. when I got off the phone with my dear friend I wept before the Lord, read through many Psalms & Proverbs, and begged the Lord for healing. I truly felt that if I could be healed of my physical pain which still consisted of unbearable pelvic pain & cramping then I could overcome the emotional pain of emptiness & depression.

God is so faithful!! I woke up Monday morning and for the first time in about 12 days.. I felt NORMAL!! Praise God for His answer to prayers and His faithfulness!!

For now, I don't know if the Lord will add to our family. I don't know when He will if He chooses to do so. I do know that He is my Father who loves me and has my best interest at heart. I know that if He chooses for us to add to our family, then we will. I will rejoice! However, if he chooses not to.. then I am ever grateful for my 2 beautiful blessings sent straight from Him! They are thoughtful, active, healthy, & loving! I am truly one blessed woman of God!

We are taught lessons in our lives. Whether it's for our good or for the comfort & love we receive from Him & others that we get to pass on to others in another "season".. we never understand these at the time. But one day, I'm sure I will get to minister to someone in a very special way that I would have otherwise had no idea how to! In all things, I pray that I bring Him glory & honor! I'm so thankful for the healing & restoration I have received.. only because I asked!

John 14:14 "If you ask anything in My name, then I will do it."

Following My Miscarriage

It's been 8 days past my miscarriage on Friday, July 27th. I just want to share an update with how I'm feeling. I must say this whole thing has really rocked my world...

Physically- I never realized the physical toll that miscarriage takes on one's body. Not many people talk about the affects of their miscarriage and it has been really eye opening to me what a body goes through. I'm still dealing with pain.. ligament, maybe? It feels similar to pregnancy round ligament pain.. you know on the sides of your pelvis in your lower abdomen?! It's definitely not bone pain (I know bone pain in the pelvis) it feels like ligament, tendon, or maybe muscle pain?! I have talked to a few people that say this is normal as your body returns to it's previous state. I am still dealing with waves of nausea, being tired, and food aversions/cravings too... I guess my hormones are still working their way back to normal as well.

Emotionally- I honestly feel like I'm slipping into a bit of a depression. I don't want to leave my house, unless I have to! I don't want to do anything.. I just want to sit and read or watch tv. I want to do nothing. Which is not conducive to this Homeschooling Mom of 2 who sells Pampered Chef!

I also struggle with "Maybe I didn't really miscarry... Maybe I'm still pregnant?" It's hard to keep myself in reality when  my body is still fighting itself back to normalcy. I am praying for peace each day and for strength!! I praise the Lord as so many people have surrounded me in prayers!! I know it's only from their prayers that I haven't slipped worse into depression.

I know that I can get pregnant again one day (if it's God's will) but I am still sad over my loss. I am tired of feeling physically like I've been hit by a truck. I wake up some mornings and think I've been hit by a semi. Other mornings I wake up and tell Andy I feel like I've been hit by a regular truck.. either way I don't normally wake up feeling well. Which I hate, because that's not the kind of person I am.

So for now.. I wait on the Lord for my strength, for my courage, for my comfort, for my healing. He is faithful and I know it's through Him only that I truly find healing and restoration. In the meantime, pray for my hubby, Andy, too.. I know I've not been easy to live with through this..