A Christmas Miracle

I feel compelled to write down the journey I've been on over the last few weeks. It's been one of many highs and great lows, but ultimately one that ends in joy!!

The day before Thanksgiving (November 21st) we found out I am pregnant!



This was a surprise to me as I had been diagnosed with PCOS which is a metabolic/hormone disorder that can cause infertility. We were so excited about being pregnant that I couldn't stand it and we told our kiddos on Thanksgiving day at breakfast! They were so elated that our sweet, tender hearted little Lydia started crying with "happy tears" as she called them. Elijah immediately wanted to know if we're having a boy or a girl! Then under no uncertain terms he tells us he only wants a girl.. not a boy. (Truth is-- he doesn't want to share his room, lol!)

The day or so afterwards I told them we would have to think of a name for our new baby! I told them a few I've liked for a long time. They didn't like ANY of the boy names, because they are convinced we are having a girl and will not even think of boy names. After a few girl names Elijah exclaims, "We don't get to name our baby, Momma. God does!" We had just been studying in our Bible time about the Angel coming to Zechariah & Elizabeth and told them their baby's name would be John. Then an Angel appeared to Mary & Joseph and told them their baby would be named Jesus. So he was convinced this sort of thing would happen to us too. I didn't think much about his comment (other than the sweetness of it) until much later...

I went to my first appointment last Thursday, November 29th. When I went I should have been around 7 1/2 weeks along. They did the Ultrasound and the sac only measured 6 weeks. There was no heartbeat.. there was no baby. I was devastated, because Lydia & Elijah had both been spotted on Ultrasound just prior to 6 weeks gestation. They did my hcg levels and they were at 60,000. The nurse explained that a baby should most definitely be visible with levels that high. They put me on Progesterone to help prevent miscarriage just to be safe. As I did research on all of this, the term Blighted Ovum kept arising. Which would end up in miscarriage or a D&C because baby would have stopped developing.

Needless to say, I've been very concerned and very much a "basket case" over the last week. I had a miscarriage in July, and I truly did not want to have to go through all of that again. So I desperately sought out prayer from friends & family and I know it's through their prayers that I've made it through this difficult week. So while I drank in the peace of their prayers, let me share with you all that God spoke to my heart over this last week. It's pretty cool, in my opinion!!

First off, the name Zoey kept coming to my mind. Anytime I'd pray for this baby, the name Zoey would pop up in my head (which I do not find to be a coincidence!) If you look up the name Zoey you will see it's a derivative of  Zoe which in the Greek means Life! So, I clung to this, but I wasn't sure if this meant Life with us here on earth, or eternal life with Jesus. Either way it gave me peace and grace to know that our sweet baby was in His hands!

On Sunday, a friend handed me a note card with the verses 1 John 5:14-15 written on it. This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him." This friend knew I was having a difficult time right now, but she didn't know the reason. She handed it to me prior to the church service.
Then, during the service that morning we learned about how the Angel appeared to Mary and said, "Do not be afraid" and that spoke so deeply into my heart (even tho it's a phrase I've heard all my life!!) I knew the Lord was speaking it to me that morning! Then, Andy was teaching in Bible Fellowship Class about when Joshua was leading the Israelites into Canaan and there were giants and they were all so worried, but God spoke and said, "Do not be afraid. I will never leave you nor forsake you." Once again, it pierced my heart!!
That evening as I was telling some friends on FB about the verses 1 John 5:14-15 from that morning.. I opened up my Bible App to get the exact words. The verse of the day (I cannot for the life of me find the passage now!) but it said, "You have not done this before. Pray and ask this in my name and it will be given to you with joyful abundance." I cried out to the Lord and prayed for God to breathe life into this child of ours. Once again, the name Zoey came to my heart & mind. Which I shared with Andy.. I had not shared all of the spiritual part of this with him, until that moment. He said, "If it's a girl.. we will name her Zoey."
Last night, I was praying with our kids before bed. I told them I had an ultrasound today that would tell us if our baby was okay. They knew there has been some health issues surrounding the pregnancy. They've heard me tell a few people about my "Zoey" story and how I have been clinging to God's strength & mercy because of how He keeps giving me this name. Then, Elijah said after our prayers last night, "Mommy.. see.. God did name our baby. He named her Zoey. That's how we know it's a girl." It was profound!! How awesome is that?! So we prayed for our Zoey baby!

Today, we went to the Dr's office and my stomach was in knots and my hands were shaking as she performed the Ultrasound. She explained to me she cannot tell me anything and she cannot explain anything to me. However, if there is a baby with a heartbeat, then she can speak of that. At first.. the sac was empty again. My heart began to sink, but then I saw a sparkle on the screen. She moved the wand and lo & behold there was the baby. I didn't see a heartbeat though. She magnified the screen, and said.. "Look here!" The heartbeat was 153 bpm... and then she high-fived me.. she knew my anguish and my sadness from the last ultrasound she had performed! God is so good and I shared with her my story about "Zoey". She told me there's no way she could do her job as an ultrasonographer and not believe in God!

What a blessing.. what an early Christmas present for us this is, and what joy fills my heart over our sweet "Zoey baby".. thank you ALL so much for your prayers! It sustained me through this week, and I have no doubt that it was so many prayers that led to us seeing this sweet baby on ultrasound with a strong, healthy heartbeat today!

"She" is 8 weeks gestation and due on July 15th! I feel SO blessed to have this miracle as apart of my testimony and to know that Jesus truly carried me through this week!!!

 (For those who aren't familiar with Ultrasounds..the black "hole" is the baby's sac. This was all we saw last week.. an empty black "hole". The little white part inside the black hole (on the right) is the baby that is there today!

Clothed with Strength & Dignity

I've blogged a couple of times already about what God is teaching me in terms of boundaries in my life. A few weeks ago (I'm a bit late in my blogging!) God truly spoke to me through a story in 1 Kings about Bathsheba & King Solomon. Wow-- people think the Old Testament is boring? Friends, it truly is FULL of wisdom and abundant in God's truths! The more of the Old Testament that I read the more I am drawn to it! It's incredible how the Lord works... at the exact time that I needed to hear God's truths about boundaries He had me in 1 Kings 2.

So this is what happened:

2 Kings 2:13-17

¹³ One day Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith, came to see Bathsheba, Solomon’s mother. “Have you come with peaceful intentions?” she asked him.

“Yes,” he said, “I come in peace. ¹⁴ In fact, I have a favor to ask of you.”

“What is it?” she asked.

¹⁵ He replied, “As you know, the kingdom was rightfully mine; all Israel wanted me to be the next king. But the tables were turned, and the kingdom went to my brother [Solomon, whose mother was Bathsheba*] instead; for that is the way the Lord wanted it. ¹⁶ So now I have just one favor to ask of you. Please don’t turn me down.”

“What is it?” she asked.

¹⁷ He replied, “Speak to King Solomon on my behalf, for I know he will do anything you request. Ask him to let me marry Abishag, the girl from Shunem.”

*added for further explanation

Let me create a side note here to explain that in 1 Kings 1 David was very old and very cold. They brought in a virgin girl to be with him. Their relationship was never consummated, although she was considered a concubine. She only waited on him and laid with him to keep him warm. Her name was Abishag, the girl that Adonijah wanted to marry.

So Bathsheba appeared before King Solomon requesting a favor... 

1 Kings 2:21-24

²¹ “Then let your brother Adonijah marry Abishag, the girl from Shunem,” she replied.
²² “How can you possibly ask me to give Abishag to Adonijah?” King Solomon demanded. “You might as well ask me to give him the kingdom! You know that he is my older brother, and that he has Abiathar the priest and Joab son of Zeruiah on his side.”
²³ Then King Solomon made a vow before the Lord: “May God strike me and even kill me if Adonijah has not sealed his fate with this request. ²⁴ The Lord has confirmed me and placed me on the throne of my father, David; he has established my dynasty as he promised. So as surely as the Lord lives, Adonijah will die this very day!”

As you read this you might be thinking Solomon is a little over zealous in his words & actions, right? I thought, "Wow! That seems a bit harsh!"

At first things may seem harsh on the front end. People may think we (as boundary setters) are being ridiculous, unreasonable, or maybe self-serving. I've been told "That's not very Christian of you" or ".. And you call yourself a Christian" or "Maybe you should pray about that before you follow through with it, because what is God telling you to do?"  More on this in a minute..

Then, I decided to delve a bit further into this by reading a commentary on these scriptures! After reading the commentary, I realized in those days when a king dies.. the new reigning king will inherit everything from the former king.. including all wives & concubines. So, now it stands to reason that since Adonijah came before Bathsheba asking for one of David's concubines (Adonijah) that he was trying to manipulate his brother. He wanted what he considered to be his: the throne! 

1 Kings 1:7  tells us that Adonijah had Joab's military and Abiathar, the priest, supporting his own claim to the throne. So if he got one of his Father's concubines then that would strengthen his claim with the people to be made king.

So, even though he was able to trick Bathesheba into thinking he deserved Abishag, nothing slipped past Solomon!! Adonijah's greedy, sneaky, & self-serving behavior led him straight into execution. 

So just as in 1 Kings 3 Solomon asks the Lord for wisdom.. I am now asking the Lord for discernment. I don't want to be so easily manipulated or deceived like Bathsheba was.

I am often put into situations where I feel overwhelmed and uncertain how to react when my boundaries are tested. I want to be more firm in my boundaries like King Solomon was. Because, having boundaries isn't ungodly or unchristian.. it is exactly the opposite! When my boundaries are tested and I allow others to trample my boundaries, then my emotional well-being is rocked. In order for my faith to remain strong, my God-seeking desires to remain firm, and my emotional well-being remain unshaken then I must set boundaries for myself (and my family!)  

My biggest concern for boundary setting is 2 things!

1) I will disappoint/hurt the other person

2) I will experience rejection from said person

**Even tho allowing others to trample my boundary may hurt me or cause me harm, I've often set those feelings aside to please the other person. Sadly, it often seems that other person, undoubtedly, has no regard to my feelings in the matter.**

But the Lord tells me that in Proverbs 31:25 that I am clothed in strength and dignity. So if this is the truth and God only speaks truth (John 3:33) then I must believe that I should be more concerned with my boundaries. I am able to love myself in this way, because God first loved me (1 John 4:19). I desire to allow myself the grace & courage I need, so that I have the strength & dignity He has clothed me in!

How about you? Maybe you need to make this a priority in your own life too.. We can pray together for God to give us wisdom & discernment with our boundary setting. Through such prayers, we will no longer see ourselves as others see us, but see ourselves the way God created us to be as women: clothed with strength & dignity! (Prov 31:25)

Proverbs 31:25 "She is clothed with strength and dignity; 

and she laughs without fear of the future."

Still Learning Boundaries

In Bible Fellowship yesterday a Couple gave their testimony. The wife spoke about how her life had so many points of redemption in it. Her life was characterized by redemption. I can completely relate to that, because I feel much the same way!! I've had many heartaches in my life, many disappointments, and many times of frustrations.. but those times have usually led to a season of redemption.

Over the years I've realized more and more that I have a true desire to please people and a true desire to represent perfection. These character traits have been so damaging to me as a person. Why? Because I often desire to please people more than please God. I will allow myself to be in bad situations over and over again, because I'm too reluctant to speak up for fear of hurting someone's feelings. The odd thing about this is that the people I'm around have no problem sharing with me what they think I "should" do, "should not" do, or need to be doing different. So I leave those situations feeling completely defeated, like a failure, and very unworthy.

Doesn't God expect more of us than this?? Yes, He absolutely does!! "The bible is full of examples of God asking people to 'leave behind' the people and lives that are not good for them. He asked the Israelites to leave Egypt to have a better life, but many of them kept looking back, holding on to what they thought was better. When Lot and his wife left Sodom, the warning was to not look back, yet she did, and turned to salt." -Boundaries

Nothing has changed in 2000+years. We are still called to leave unhealthy relationships. To leave unhealthy situations behind. To count ourselves as children of God and trust that He will lead the way ahead of us. This is super difficult for me, but I must do this. I know that as I learn boundaries more in my life.. Redemption will come in this as well! Will you pray for me? What about you... Do you have areas of your life that you need to set boundaries and trust in the Lord? Maybe we can keep eachother accountable!

More Summer Fun

We've had a very fun Summer.. Here are some more highlights of our last 1/2 of the Summer

 Summer Activities!!

Fun at the Park!

After a fun morning at The Bounce House!!

Hanging Together Outside & Playing in the Water Hose!

Tea Party in our PJ's (It's actually hot chocolate!)

    

Lydia lost her 2nd tooth!!

Our Last Trip to Splash Country for Summer 2012!!

Now, we are looking forward to Elijah's 4th Birthday in a couple of days!!

3 Weeks Post Miscarriage

Many people have been asking me how I'm doing at a little over 3 weeks past my miscarriage. I want to write and let you all know that I'm feeling SO much better! God has been so incredibly faithful to me in this.

My miscarriage happened on a Friday, after not feeling well on that Thursday. Over a week later, on Sunday, I was struggling. Physically & emotionally! My heart was SO heavy and I was buying into Satan's lies, "This won't get any better" and "You're all alone in how you feel" and other like lies. I was disheartened, weepy, and just exhausted from all of the emotions.

Andy had to work that Sunday morning. On my way home from church my dear friend & mentor called me and said she just felt like she needed to call me and see if I was okay. I broke down and told her, "I'm not doing well at all. I'm on the verge of depression.. I can feel it!" She encouraged me to go before the Lord and be with Him.

Through the process of miscarriage I never questioned God or asked, "Why me?" but I definitely felt a barrier between us. Normally, I read my bible every day and I pray alot throughout my day and I try to set aside specific time just for prayer, if I can. But during this time, I found it very hard to pray and very difficult to even open my bible. I had dragged myself to church on this particular Sunday (not my normal reponse!) and had I been a child I'm sure I would have been kicking & screaming.

I tell you though.. when I got off the phone with my dear friend I wept before the Lord, read through many Psalms & Proverbs, and begged the Lord for healing. I truly felt that if I could be healed of my physical pain which still consisted of unbearable pelvic pain & cramping then I could overcome the emotional pain of emptiness & depression.

God is so faithful!! I woke up Monday morning and for the first time in about 12 days.. I felt NORMAL!! Praise God for His answer to prayers and His faithfulness!!

For now, I don't know if the Lord will add to our family. I don't know when He will if He chooses to do so. I do know that He is my Father who loves me and has my best interest at heart. I know that if He chooses for us to add to our family, then we will. I will rejoice! However, if he chooses not to.. then I am ever grateful for my 2 beautiful blessings sent straight from Him! They are thoughtful, active, healthy, & loving! I am truly one blessed woman of God!

We are taught lessons in our lives. Whether it's for our good or for the comfort & love we receive from Him & others that we get to pass on to others in another "season".. we never understand these at the time. But one day, I'm sure I will get to minister to someone in a very special way that I would have otherwise had no idea how to! In all things, I pray that I bring Him glory & honor! I'm so thankful for the healing & restoration I have received.. only because I asked!

John 14:14 "If you ask anything in My name, then I will do it."